WHY LETTING GO IS IMPORTANT FOR MANIFESTING WITH KEMI MARIE

Dec 6

Preview

The countdown is on: We have 25 days left of 2021. So, it’s about that time to start doing our internal check-ins and reflections on where we are as the year comes to a close. How have your priorities changed? Have you faced any fears? Accomplished new goals? Forgiven others? Cut ties with things standing in the way of your growth? I’ve definitely started having some big revelations about my own growth this year, and I’ll be serving up my 2021 reflections in my final newsletter of the year.

In order to help you prepare for your 2022 evolution, today I am joined by Kemi Marie, the founder of Sacred Wisdom. I’ve been following Kemi’s work via Twitter since 2019, and I really admire them as a young Black person in the spiritual space—especially because there just aren’t very many. And at only 21 years old, they possess such otherworldly wisdom and a level of awareness that’s taken me over three decades to even come close to cultivating. Kemi is also a jack of all spiritual trades— practicing everything from astrology to breathwork to ancestral work, reiki, you name it. Earlier this year Kemi turned their tweets into a physical product with a deck of encouragement, 52 cards with healing words or affirmations that I purchased as quickly as I could and always keep close to me. Most recently, Kemi created a journal for shadow work inspired by their own meditations and personal journal.

There was so much for us to cover but we focused on the basics of manifesting, cultivating real feelings of gratitude, how privilege factors into making our dreams a reality, and why shadow work is important for our evolution.

Read the edited interview below, or you can listen to our full conversation.

LISTEN NOW (48 MINS)

What were you like as a kid? And how did you find your way into spirituality?

Kemi: First thing that came into my head was, I was a square [laughs]. I was so introspective. I was pretty extroverted but also really focused on my studies. I was a really big writer and reader. I was definitely 12 years old when I saw a Youtube video about astrology, and I’m a Sagittarius and [the video] was like, this is what it means. The reason I wanted to learn more is because someone told me there’s a whole birth chart. I was so shook. I fixate on things that I’m interested in, and I got so many books and I indulged in astrology, put my head in, and just went from there.

I also became interested in astrology around 12 (although I have about a decade on you). My introduction was through magazines, reading YM and Seventeen. The last page in every magazine was the horoscopes page. But it wasn’t until I was about 29 that I learned there was a birth chart, I don’t know how it took me so long—but that changed everything for me. So, what did the rest of your spiritual path look like?

Kemi: I actually would say, after 12, I didn’t classify myself as anything, my mom is Christian, but she didn’t force her beliefs on us. I was very aware of a higher power and something more. I think I was clinging on to something more because my grandma passed away when I was 6. That is when I got into shadow work. I didn’t know I was doing it, though—I didn’t know that I was trying to put meaning to things. So for me, the spiritual was like, who am I? What happens afterwards? I was so obsessed with it. Then when I got to high school, I joined Young Life—it’s a youth group, sometimes they don’t really say it’s Christian, it’s more come and learn about spirit. I went to a nondenominational church. My ancestors were guiding me without it being too much pressure. I was pretty devoted to that practice.

You studied this in college as well?

Kemi: Yeah, I studied philosophy and religion. That’s when things really started, and everything aligned. I was learning about different religions. I decided I was officially ready to move away from the church.

When did you realize it could be a career?

Kemi: Like, this year. When I started this, and started sharing, myself and a lot of the people around me were just sharing out of pure excitement. Then people just started catching on. The pandemic happened, people were in their house, they were like, I don't have anything, who am I? There was a rise of people interested in spirituality—which means we also saw a rise of people who were like, oh yeah I'm just gonna start this business. So I was like, wait a minute— people are trying to monetize this?

It has its positives and its negatives. I’m thankful I came into the space when it was really pure, and we didn't have those intentions. But now it’s transformed into something I wanna do long term. It’s even bigger than social media, it’s influencing people’s minds in a healthy way.

Do you feel like motherhood has impacted the work that you do?

Kemi: Oh yeah, I definitely think so. It’s self-growth. Along this whole thing, it’s not just me giving insight, I’m giving insight as I’m growing. So I’m personally growing, which is bettering my ability to be a parent, and to see my child as an individual. For sure, I looked to my mom, who never pressured me into anything. She’s also a Sagittarius—I think this is why. She was big on me exploring and having freedom. So, I’ve passed that onto my son. So, while I’m teaching him spiritual things, he is just becoming aware that there is much more, and he understands that there’s freedom.

It feels like there’s very few Black people in the spiritual space—why do you think that is, and how has it impacted your work?

Kemi: I think in my spiritual space, and I mean practitioners, my colleagues—I’m surrounded by them. But in the general population of people who are “woo woo,” that's where it’s less common. I think there’s a lot of reasons. One, some people view spirituality as an “alternative” type of thing. Many Black people are still in the church, and that’s okay. We have hoodoo, which is church-related. But I think there’s still a lot of unpacking that we have to do in regards to the demonization of our own practices, as well as spirituality as a whole. We’ve been forced into this one-lens-fits-all spirituality, which is Christianity or Abrahamic religions. The truth is, a lot of the things that we’re afraid of, the spiritual things we talk about, our ancestors brought to the Americas. Even manifestation, our ancestors were doing that. When they were, they were harmed for it. We just have so much to unpack as a community in regards to what our true religion is, and what our ancestors did coming over. I think if we look at it and unpack it, we’ll realize our ancestors were very spiritual outside of Christianity.

Let’s get into manifestation. I’m curious, because there’s so many different ways to manifest, everyone has what works for them. What foundationally is most important when you are manifesting or coaching others.

Kemi: I do have pretty different views about manifesting. I believe in balance. So whenever I’m discussing manifestation, letting go is the first thing that I’m going to tell people. Nothing’s coming in unless you let some things go. So, if you’re trying to completely transform your life, that means you're gonna have to sacrifice a lot. And I think people hear “sacrifice” and they think, “what?” everything on earth works to balance itself. One of my favorite books, S'Otito~Be Truth, they basically say, if you pollute a river, the only way for that river to get restored is if you give it time and if you help clean it back up. There’s no way else. Nature restores itself with balance.

We have to think about what I am giving up? What habits, what behaviors, what life changes am I making to genuinely assist in this manifestation?

Yeah absolutely, and I feel like I lived that because I worked in magazines for a decade. I always had this feeling, I wanted more for myself. I also felt very trapped towards the end of my time at my job. How do I get this life that I want? I’m terrified to take that leap. But that's the thing, as soon as I let go of that job. Suddenly I was able to have everything I’ve ever wanted.

Kemi: It’s a beautiful feeling to have such blessings. And it takes strength to let go ultimately. It’s hard.

And I will acknowledge that there is also privilege wrapped up in that. I knew if I walked away from my job and nothing panned out for me—I had parents who could step in if need be.

Kemi: Interesting topic to explore. As you said, you had the privilege of having a cushion. And I think one thing that’s super important in our manifestations, and especially how we talk about manifesting, is recognizing the privilege and opportunities that we have. I think a lot of people go into manifesting and think, I’m just gonna manifest this. Or even when people speak about their manifestations like, I manifested this, as if it’s a sole effort. The truth is that some of us have different opportunities and different privileges. It’s all about tapping into our resources. But we have to remember, there’s gonna be roadblocks, and situations, and people that don't necessarily don't have those resources.

We could look at different countries or different places. What if we went up to them and we were like, just manifest getting out of this place. Uhhh, wait a minute. There’s some dampeners on manifestations. Ultimately, it's about communicating our needs. There's really practical ways to manifest.

I say this about prayer. I believe prayer is a strong form of manifestation, what we speak on. When we’re talking about manifestation, you can say, I manifested the strength, or I manifested healthy communication, or I manifested the boundaries. I manifested the help to get to where I wanted to go. I think if we start looking at manifestations and blessings in that way, we can take out the, “oh this is just woo woo,” like, “you just gotta have to have luck” type of thing. Manifestation is very practical as well.

At the end of the day, I see manifestation also as acknowledging something that you want. And you make it happen for yourself. It’s not, oh this just fell in my lap because I decided I wanted it.

Kemi: That’s what I mean. When we think like that, we take the ‘woo woo’ elements out. We take out the spirit. We take out our ancestors.

I think there’s this expectation that just because you want something, it's gonna become yours. I think there’s people that want to believe in manifestation, but also doubt it. A big thing for me, and the way that I manifest, is acknowledging that sometimes the things I want show up in different ways. I’ve been able to manifest a lot in my career. Those manifestations actually turn out better than I could've imagined or asked for.

Kemi: We have to kind of let go of our perceived ideas and expectations. When you let go, write out what you want, and you detach from it. That’s when you get those moments that are better than I expected, because you released the expectation.

Truly. When I was a kid, I knew I wanted to work in fashion magazines. I wanted to be the person that picked the clothes that you see in the magazine. I ended up being on the digital side. This business barely even existed when I was thinking about my career. Being on the digital side, there was so much freedom, so I got to do so many different things. I traveled, I got to style celebrities, I got to be on TV. It was interesting to reflect on how I had this dream, and it did come true in a way that I wouldn't have even dreamt for myself.

Kemi: When I was a kid, this is what I wanted—but I didn't know it would come through spirituality.

So you also do ancestral work, does that play into how you manifest?

Kemi: After I started my practice, I really let go of intentionally manifesting. I used to write things down on sticky notes and put them up (which is a great thing by the way). I did all that stuff. I really manifest with my ancestors, just by going to them and praying to them. One thing they always ask me is to set the intention. From there, they take it. That connection with my ancestors, as well as my god, involving them in the process has really taken out this rugged individualism, my responsibility-only factor. I think manifesting can play into the roles of capitalism pretty easily when we’re just like I’m doing this, it’s just me. If it doesn't work it's like, what’s wrong with me?

With the ancestors, there are so many people playing a part in my growth. Which one, allows me to have much more gratitude, support, and trust in my abilities, as well as their support all the way around. I think it’s actually helped my manifestation.

Do you think gratitude is an important component to manifesting?

Kemi: Gratitude for what you have at this moment. This might just be a “my ancestors” thing, but my ancestors, everytime I want something new, if I want a new car, they’re like, you don't take care of your car. Or I want a new place, so they’re like, you need to start cleaning this one every day. They're really big on gratitude as a feeling, it’s an expression, rather than something you just think. So you need to feel gratitude for the things around you, and that comes from taking care of them. That's how they are like, okay you can have this now.

Gratitude is something I really had to tap into towards the end of my career because I was so unhappy at work—and it’s so much easier to complain. I spent a lot of time complaining. And I knew that wasn't me. So I had to make a conscious decision to start shifting that mind frame to—this career has given me so much. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for that. So, I have to stay focused on all that I’ve received from this experience.

Kemi: With gratitude, the only reason I started shifting my mindset like that is because of my therapist. It just fills you with joy. And seeing other people who say they're in therapy and enjoying it. It’s so nice, it changed my life. She taught me about gratitude. She asked me, what do you think gratitude is? And I said feeling thankful. And she was like, it’s more than that. So she led me through this exercise where she told me to pick one thing you're grateful for. She asked why are you grateful for that thing? I said I was grateful for my house. And she said, what about it? She kept asking me why. I’m emotional thinking about it. I was telling her, well it’s my first house, I'm able to provide for myself. I bought my own bed, my own space. I was just going deep into my childhood, and why this stuff right here means so much to me. When you do that, you start getting to the root of things. Then you start feeling gratitude, and you start seeing it. It usually makes me cry, like to say, this is my bed. I remember a time when I didn't have these things and I wanted them.

Now let’s switch gears to shadow work…

Kemi: It's essentially looking at how you act now, and figuring out why you act that way. It’s for both good and bad (there’s a spectrum). The things that you value about yourself and the things that you struggle with. Figuring out all of it.

Why is it important?

Kemi: It's important for self awareness and change. If we don't know who we are, if we’re not aware of our problems, then there's no way to overcome them. We remain ignorant to so many things we could be helping ourselves with.

So you created a journal for shadow work. Explain what’s in it?

Kemi: It’s my baby. It’s a journal, and I divided it into different sections. There’s inner child questions, vulnerability questions, getting you to understand how you work with certain emotions or things you needed to be told as a child. The inner child questions are from these meditations I would do—and people told me they wanted them in a journal. So I did that. I didn't realize how so many people needed these questions I've been asking since I was so young. I thought everyone questions their whole life.

It brings a lot of liberation, but also brings a lot of challenges. You start recognizing, oh my perfection is because I have control issues. And there's a lot of people who have control issues—and they're fine with that. Then there’s other people who are like, well those control issues are making me anxious and irritable, I want to be happy. So, you start having to work through the irritation. Yesterday, for me, I felt so helpless in a situation that happened. So those are things you have to work through when you start doing shadow work, and be conscious of how you react. So that you can work to change your behaviors and how you show up in the world. It’s definitely hard.

Pre-order The Little Book of Shadow Work here.

Have you ever felt like you need to be working on yourself all the time? I’ve definitely been there, but I’ve let up on myself. There is no destination in this. Either you're down to do the work and down for the journey—but there’s no, boom, I’m healed!

Kemi: It’s so lifelong, it’s a good thing, we’re continuously growing. There is this idea that you have to keep working on yourself. And I find that’s when you’re intellectualizing your shadow work, rather than allowing it to just flow from your aura and just doing the work. Once you have a discovery, you're like, this is it! And this is when it can project in a harmful way—then you start hanging on to it. Then you start to perpetuate even more. Once you become aware of it, it's about doing the work, being present in the moment. I need to communicate. Instead of being like, I'm scared of communication and I suck at it and being hard on yourself. That's when we have to allow our shadow work to become a healthier behavior.

What are rituals that are important to you on a daily basis?

Kemi: My morning devotion, journaling and showers—those are sacred spaces to be and exist.

With the New Year coming up, are you someone who is listing out goals for yourself for 2022? Or do you not think about your manifestations on any kind of timeline?

Kemi: I’m more so reviewing my year. I will set an intention for the New Year, but the timing aspect is completely gone. I’ve really let go of time. But I'm reviewing the whole thing to figure out where I’m at for sure.

I think the time thing is really tricky for people right, and that’s part of our conditioning. Oh, if you don’t have this whole checklist by the time you're 30—there’s something wrong with you.

Kemi: That list, it’s real, but it's a social list. When we’re trying to check off those boxes, we’re trying to master life. We have to remember to focus on mastering the self, because if you focus on mastering life, then you’ll lose yourself in it. That checklist, when we’re trying to master it, we’re gonna forget ourselves completely and we won’t be doing the work to master who we are.

Follow Kemi Marie on Twitter

Kemi’s Guide to Manifesting

Write it out. Be clear about what you want. This is where you set your intention. If you're indecisive, it’s a little more difficult for things to come through. If you don't know what you want, write down what you don’t want. If you know what you don’t want, you can shift the perspective. That is something you know, there’s clarity in that.
How you wish to get there. Write down the steps you want to take.
Let go. Burn it, put it in the ground, or leave it up on post-it notes.
Speak it out. “I would like to have a better relationship with my son, have more patience. More motivation to get up.”
Use water. Water is a huge key to manifesting. It really amplifies what you're working for. It connects you. If you're in the shower, you're washing away any old habits, a great releasing tool like when we cry, even when you cry of joy. It’s great for clarify.

Chrissy Rutherford