WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 5 YEARS?
I admire the people who can answer that question out loud without hesitation.
Around this time, two years ago, I met up with an influencer friend for lunch in Los Angeles. She told me all the things she had planned for her career that year and the big projects she was working on that would take her into 2023 and beyond. All of it was part of an expertly crafted game plan. She knew exactly what she wanted and what her end game looked like, and all her moves supported that goal. For the year that followed, I watched her tick all those boxes off her list. It was impressive. Sometimes, I envy those with such a distinct vision for themselves, even though I’m not the box-ticking type.
But it also gave me this feeling of, what’s wrong with me that I don’t have such clear life goals?
I once had a distinct vision for myself—at 13 years old. I knew I wanted to work at a fashion magazine. I never strayed from that vision, not even amid the 2008 recession when I entered the workforce. But by the time I exited the publishing industry in 2020, I had seemingly lost that ability to have such a laser-sharp focus on my future. Maybe because I was now in my thirties, and the internet and social media expanded in so many ways that made the possibilities feel endless.
I felt a lot of pushback against the fact that I didn’t have these tangible goals when I started meeting with influencer management agencies in 2020. They wanted to know how I would define my new job title (another issue for someone who doesn’t do just one thing) and where I saw my career going. By the time I met with my current management, I had the idea of a podcast in my back pocket (which turned into this newsletter). I had little sparks of ideas—but it always felt like someone wanted me to say, I want to be a TV host! I want my own clothing line! During the second meeting with my current manager, I told them honestly that I was still unsure, but I felt like what I’m meant to do doesn’t exist yet.
I’m sure they had no idea what to do with that information.
About ten days later, I found myself going viral on Instagram after posting a video I made about being anti-racist. Three days after that, Danielle Prescod and I formed our DEI consulting agency, 2BG Consulting, where we began advising fashion and beauty brands as well as influencers to help them understand how racism functions in these exact spaces, how to navigate it, and create content through a more inclusive lens. That became the answer to the something more I was in search of. It allowed me to contribute something to the industry that was purposeful.
No matter what my life plans had looked like, I could’ve never actually planned for that or seen it coming. As much as hard work is essential, the internet tends to play by a different set of rules, but sometimes we find ourselves in the “right” place at the “right” time and we find the right collaborators. We’re able to meet a moment that feels orchestrated by something much greater than us. So, even if we don’t have a clearly defined game plan, or we’re feeling lost, we don’t know the external forces, like being laid off from a job or not getting the job we think we want, that will help push us toward our rightful path. There is a level of uncertainty innate to our journey and carving out our futures.
While writing this, I wondered whether my human design energy type had any insight into this. So I messaged Maike Gabriela (my go-to Human design expert who I've interviewed for this newsletter) and asked if this was a common characteristic of Generators. She sent me back a voice note saying:
“By definition, as a Generator, your strategy, the way you collaborate with the universe to create magnetism that attracts the right people and aligns with your soul’s purpose, is by responding in the moment. Every time you try to plan ahead, you don’t have access to see if it’s right or not for your guiding system. So, this is the correct way to move through life energetically aligned as a pure Generator. We all have an inner guiding system. And even with Pluto moving into Aquarius, with all the incredible change we’re going to see, and all these ideas and projections of what we thought was real, they will be torn down. When all those things around us crumble, what will we hold onto? Our personal authority, our body guiding us towards the path of our purpose. And we do that through our authority, in your case, sacral, because you are a Generator.”
In the last few years, I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to figure out what exactly I’m “meant to do” with my life, and have pushed myself to operate in ways that don't necessarily feel natural to me. Should I have a singular vision, like the one I had for myself at 13? I’m motivated by the path that I'm on, but where is it leading me? I’ve had many conversations with friends who have careers tied to the internet and social media who feel similarly. I still feel like what I’m meant to do next might not exist yet—and I’m writing that here so I can check back in a few years and see if I was right again.
So what if I just focused on how I want my future to feel?
I’m certain that who I am today and what I do for work will continue to evolve in 5, 10, maybe even 20 years from now after we get through this Pluto in Aquarius transit that will be hanging out in my house of career. Transformation has always been a big theme in my life—whether I was a willing participant or not. I’m not passive about my future; I don’t just wait for things to fall into my lap. I am committed to following my seemingly endless curiosities—and I tune into what feels good and what doesn't.
As we all learned quite well from the pandemic, we can’t plan for everything—and even the best-laid schemes are subject to delays and changes. That’s why making friends with uncertainty (as scary as it can feel sometimes) is valuable, regardless of whether you have a solid 10-year plan, you’re a college student figuring out what to major in, you’re in your twenties, and you feel like you’re not on the right career path yet, or you’re in your thirties, forties, fifties, and beyond feeling like you need a shift in your life. Embracing uncertainty means there is more room for us to play and explore, see what feels right for us, and hopefully, we’ll be ready to meet the moment that gives us exactly what we need.
HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY FWD JOY!
I know, I burried the lead today. I can't believe I've been at this for three years. It honestly doesn't feel like it's been that long. I'm grateful to all my subscribers. I know there's a lot of newsletters jamming up your inboxes these days. So I don't take it for granted that the majority of you actually open mine. I love every share, every reply, every DM, and those of you who have come to see me IRL in London and NYC. I'm just really grateful for this community and what has felt like a very safe space for me to share stories about my mental health, self discovery, dating, spirituality, and all of life's ups and downs. It has been really therapeutic for me, and has set me free from a lot of shame and insecurities that I've struggled with over the years. So, if it's helped you do the same in some way, shape, or form, or made you think deeper about who you are, how you show up in the world, or made you curious to learn something new, or you've just been entertained by my stories— I know I've done my job. So again, I appreciate you all being here.