16 THINGS I DID TO HEAL FROM MY BREAKUP
Although I’ve used the word “gentle” to describe my breakup to most, it also felt unnecessarily drawn out since we had our “closing ceremony” a week after the initial breakup. It prolonged the start of the healing process and made the first two and a half weeks feel agonizing.
Each day, I kept a running list of all my thoughts, feelings, and what I was doing to help myself process and move through the haze. I had no intentions set for how to get through it, but letting myself be without judgment helped me move through it faster than I expected. It’s all about acceptance versus resistance when it comes to our uncomfortable feelings. There’s nothing we can do to stop them so we have to just let them run their course. Here’s everything I did to help my heart:
I accepted that I was sad, I was going to miss my boyfriend, and that I was going to feel like absolute crap, but each day would get me one step closer to feeling better. My therapist told me that attachment is the first to form and the last to go. Attachment is a primitive part of us, telling us we NEED this person to survive. Don’t fall for it.
My first thought regarding healing was: what can I do to make myself feel good physically? So, I booked massages and reflexology and went to the sauna/steam room. I got my eyebrows and hair done because the last thing I wanted was to feel ugly while going through a breakup.
I made myself go on walks every day, sometimes multiple times a day. If I really felt myself ruminating and spiraling into unhelpful thoughts, getting outside was a way to break the cycle.
I moved all photos of him into my hidden folder on my iPhone. Thank god for this feature because nothing ruins your day like looking for a photo of the delicious pasta you ate a few weeks ago and instead stumbling upon a picture of you and your ex looking happy together. Looking at photos of him felt painful, and I could feel that pit in my stomach pulsate. I also archived our text thread on WhatsApp and never returned to reread our past texts.
I kept my flat clean, knowing I would have a lot of mental clutter. I didn’t want any physical clutter around me. I also kept fresh flowers in my flat, as I routinely do.
I doubled up on therapy. I know this isn’t always possible for others, but damn it was money well spent. Each session with my therapist helped me maintain clarity on my situation and restored my faith that I had the tools to navigate this big change.