SYDNEE WASHINGTON ON COMEDY, SOBRIETY, & RECOVERING FROM NYC NIGHTLIFE
You know how sometimes you meet someone, and you just know they’re IT? There’s something about them— and everyone just seems to gravitate towards them. That’s how I would describe today's guest, Sydnee Washington. We met several years ago at a fashion party through mutual friends. We both showed up in black turtlenecks and chin-length bobs and were immediately met with “twins” comments. But Sydnee has a level of humor I could certainly never match. We actually haven’t spent much time together IRL, but I’ve been fascinated by following her life on Instagram. Not only is she a talented comedian (she opened for Chelsea Handler on her most recent tour), but she's the host of the podcast Hobby Hunter and also a former cocktail waitress extraordinaire. She spent 10 years working at the infamous Rose Bar in its heyday, which led her down a dark path of booze and drugs. Now, she’s been sober for 4 years, and her life has gone through multiple transformations.
In this week's conversation, we talk about her upbringing, that time she almost burned her home down, the people who pushed her towards comedy and sobriety, and how she deals with those who aren't supportive of her same-sex relationship. This is one of those interviews you’re going to want to listen to because Sydnee kept me laughing throughout the entire conversation.
Sydnee and me in 2018
Read the edited interview below, or you can listen to our full conversation.
What were you like as a child?
Sydnee: I didn’t grow up with my mom. I moved to Oakland, CA when I was two years old and grew up with my great Aunt and Uncle—and they were in their sixties. There was this juxtaposition of, yes, I’m a kid, but I’m taking on the energy of the people that are raising me. So people would always say, oh my god you’re such an old soul. And I’m like, yeah, bitch do you see who’s raising me? It’s not my fault I’ve got Werther’s Originals just chilling in my knapsack. I’m constantly reading off scriptures from the bible. I could barely read normal books, but I’m like oh, the bible? Leviticus? I got you. They were very old school. You treat your neighbors like your family, but also don’t trust them or your family. So I didn’t have a ton of friends. They were like your family are your friends. So, as a kid, I was constantly wanting approval, wanting to have tons of friends. I didn't really have that. So there was this energy about me.
Okay she's really nice, but she might be trying a little hard
It’s like, relax, the people who are gonna like you are gonna love you, don't worry about it. And I didnt realize that until I went to college. Be yourself, you’re gonna get friends, it’s not that serious. Then, you’re in your 30s you’re like, I don't even need that many friends. That’s too many people I have to check-in on, wellness check, the weddings, the babies. More and more things that pile up. Actually, if you have 5 solid people, you’re good.
Growing up and feeling older than you are is really the experience of a lot of black children.
Sydnee: It really is. They don’t want kids to grow up too fast, but inherently, we do because we have to know so much about the world and how the way you act can affect you tremendously. So, we’re not able to just be free, literally, we’re not able to just explore and be wild, and learn the good and the bad and the ugly in an organic way. So I'm learning about the civil rights movement, just randomly on a Tuesday, because my aunt is going on and on about when she was younger. You have to know these things, we can’t just be oblivious and exist in a bubble as a Black person.
What did you think you wanted to be when you grew up?
Sydnee: I moved back to New York when I was 13 to live with my mom and just grow up. Oakland was slow with not much going on. I needed to have a different experience. The middle school I was in, I was learning so much about the city and the culture. This is what it is to be a 13-year-old. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to be, but “Clueless” had just come out. I wanted to be like Cher and Dion. I wanted to be rich. So I thought I wanted to be a lawyer because lawyer’s make money. Or a publicist because I'm good with people.
Which makes sense why you ended up in nightlife.
Sydnee: I went to college, it was clear I wasn't gonna be no damn lawyer. I took psychology classes, sociology classes, and I was like, I don't even know if school is for me. So I left without graduating. Immediately, I was like, I have to work and figure it out. I lived with my best friend, and she was like, you know who makes money? Waitresses. You can make good money from being in the club. And we used to go to clubs and we’d see the girls in the black dresses with the sparklers. And I was like, yeah, I want that life. They had their Kate Spade bags and Tiffany & Co. necklaces. I interviewed at Guesthouse, Pink Elephant. At the time, I didn't fit the demo. I didn't have a voluptuous body, I wasn't tall. I was a cute girl that looks like she goes to church 3x a week—that wasn't the look. But I went on Craigslist and I ended up getting a job at the Soho Grand Hotel. Originally, I wanted to be a waitress but they put me in coat check. After a few months, they finally put me at the hostess stand. One night a woman remembered me from my internship at Lizzie Grubman, and she told me Rose Bar was looking for a waitress. I went in once and I saw Lenny Kravitz and Prince, and I knew I wanted to be there.
They made me try on the cocktail waitress dress, it was Narciso Rodriguez, a little halter dress. They were like, it looks perfect on you, yup, you got the job. We’ll find some days for you. But in reality, I was doing the day shift for a while, and I was wearing black slacks. So I worked the day shift for about 4-5 months. And I see the girls at night, and they just look so glamorous. I’m looking at the sheets and they're making $1200 a night each. All I could say is I was manifesting, I wanted to be one of these night girls. Low and behold, I became a night girl and that turned into 10 years of me waitressing.
When I tell you there were so many times I should have gotten fired. But my PR skills were A1. You make friends with the manager, the GM, everybody in the back of house, the chefs, everything. I was genuinely one of those people, that you are like, even if she fucks up you still want her around. We’re still gonna have a good time at work. I think I was a great waitress, until 5 years in, okay, I have a drinking problem, I'm doing drugs, I have all the issues, but they haven't fired me yet so I’m gonna act like I’m Aby Rosen and this is my hotel.
Paint a picture of what Rose Bar was like back then?
Sydnee: Rose Bar was very similar to Bungalow 8 when Carrie Bradshaw went there in Sex and the City. You could not get in that bitch. It was the highlight of the New York scene. This is when Mary Kate & Ashley, and Lindsay Lohan are going out, socialites, Genevieve Jones, Kate Moss. Any big name was in this bar. It’s beautiful, it has a Damien Hirst, it has a Jackson Pollock, Andy Warhol, real artwork. Julian Schnabel did all the design and curated all the art. Everyone wanted to get in, it was so exclusive. It was just all these legendary nights, where the next day you would see such and such as seen at Rose Bar in Page Six the next day. All of these nights I was working. I was in awe. I cannot believe I’m working in the coolest bar. It was the best years of my life, in terms of being a career waitress.
So, I made tons of money, don’t know where the fuck it is. At this time, I didn’t even have a bank account, I was just cash money honey in my Marc by Marc Jacobs purse. I had like 2 grand in my purse, ready to go to Pacha. I lived in a brownstone in Harlem with a walk-in closet, washer and dryer. And this is me at 26. The only way you can live like that is if your parents have money, you have a sick job, you’re hooking, or you’re a waitress.
Did you use nightlife stories in your comedy routines?
Sydnee: Yeah, I do, I talk a lot more about the stuff going on right now. I'm very sober, four and a half years, and I'm the complete opposite of who I was when I was a waitress. I’m gay now. I’m doing the bare minimum when it comes to going out. So, I have to vicariously live through my friends who are going out.
I talk about my depression and just trying to figure out being an adult. But nothing tops me being a waitress, or me being in an Uber Pool. Those were the days. I knew I would get in an Uber pool and spend $12 after a night after making hundreds of dollars. Like girl, you can get an Uber X, why are you doing pool? But I knew that I was gonna get in and there was gonna be an adventure, I was gonna meet people, something fucked up was gonna happen, and then I’d have a story. I’d risk it all for content.
When did you know you had a drinking and drug problem?
Sydnee: Probably when I started working at Riff Raffs, it was so lax. It was a brand new club, they were letting us do anything and everything. They wanted it to be fun. College vibes but with people with way more money now. Being in that atmosphere, it definitely made me way more lax with my drinking. I was doing shots, which I wasn't doing at Rose Bar. Because it was like, you gotta have it together, you’re in front of the who’s who of New York. But mind you, theyre getting fucked up and messy too. I just had to have it way more together. Riff Raffs was like, do whatever you want.
When did you notice the negative impact?
Sydnee: Right before I got into comedy. It was really scary to get on stage. So I was doing 5 shots to get on stage for 5 minutes. And I was like, why do I need this? I was getting drunk at open mics, which are before work. And then I’m blasted at work, at 9pm on a Thursday night. I was able to maintain, I’m a high-functioning alcoholic. But then you call your drug dealer, or they're coming through to the bar and they're giving you drugs for free. You’re doing drugs at work. Oh, this is my life now. How many times are you gonna lose your ID? Or lose important paperwork? There was one time I fell out of the cab, the cab left, and I just laid on the ground, it was like 5am in front of my apartment, and I’m just in the street for 20-25 minutes. I think someone walked over me and was like, oh the homeless people are getting real cute over here. So then I was like, okay it’s bad.
My best friend in comedy, she came to Rose Bar one night, and I'm serving her and all these tables. And I'm done, I’m so drunk. The next day, she was like, oh last night was crazy. There was so much going on. And I was like, yeah, I barely remember last night. And she was like, what? You seemed completely fine, like normal. And so she was like, I think you have a problem. The way she said it was pretty serious. Like, if I can't tell you’re blackout, this is you on a daily basis. So I don't know what you're like sober. I was drinking every day.
How did you get help?
Sydnee:Istarted dating a girl, and she was not a drinker or doing drugs. And I moved in with her. I would come home, and she was like, yeah, I can’t do this, you have to stop this drinking. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I’m gonna take it down a notch, I'm gonna wean myself off. Before you know it, I got so drunk at work that I blacked out in the bathroom. They couldn't find me. But where are you gonna find a drunk? Either they’re underneath a table or they're in the bathroom throwing up. The manager found me in the bathroom, he’s throwing water on me, so I got fired from Riff Raffs. And we would always make fun of anybody who would get fired, because you know you're really bad if you get fired from this place. This dumpster dive of alcoholics and crackheads. You have to really be bad. So when I got fired, that was my wakeup call. So I just stopped.
Did you go to rehab?
Sydnee: Okay, rehab is for rich people. And I did have money, but I didn't have time to take off for 30 days. So I was doing AA, I never really got a sponsor, but I was really trying to stay sober and be a waitress. And that's just not ideal. You gotta get yourself out of the environment that got you there in the first place. So I'm trying to do the best of both worlds. I'm sober, in a place where nobody was sober and I was the most miserable I'd ever been in my entire life. So eventually I relapsed. I had a good ass run, the relapse was cute. It was there for 8 months, I was getting all the way fucked up. I’m back in the scene. The drug dealers are getting my calls. I’m getting stuff on the house. After that run, I was like, for real, I need to be sober, because I can't teeter on the line. Either I'm in or I'm out. So I got sober again, and then realized I needed to stop waitressing.
So you were balancing this all with your comedy career. When did you first realize you were funny?
Sydnee: Definitely at Rose Bar. My friend recorded me at the end of the night for several nights and I didn't know. She made a compilation video of me doing commentary and doing jokes, me just being funny in front of the people at work. The people who are there at like 4, 5 am, the bar was closed, but people would stay late just to hear me talk. So I ended up taking a class at the Pitt for $450 dollars, and immediately I wanted my money back because it was bad—I didn't think the teacher was funny. I was like, who told these people they were funny? I had a graduation show and I brought like 10 friends from the club world to watch me. They were like, this is the worst show I’ve ever seen in my life, but you were funny you could really do this. So then I was like, yeah? Let me keep going.
What was it like trying to get into the comedy scene?
Sydnee: I was doing open mics every night, like 3 or 4 whenever I could. People were like, oh you’re cool, they loved how I would tell my stories from waitressing, and Uber Pool, talking about getting sober, and being a gay all of a sudden. They loved it. I was thankful for all this material. I grew up watching Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle, Jamie Foxx. So I loved comedy, but I didn't know that I could necessarily do it.
Now do you feel like this is your purpose?
Sydnee: I do. I think that people enjoy me, and I have a different perspective. You see me now, you have no idea that I lived such a hard life. I think that’s interesting for anyone sitting in front of me for more than 30 minutes. I think that I'm like a designer bag with a lot of junk in it. On the outside, you're like, damn she got it together. But then you get into the bag, and I have someone else's credit card in there, and lots of receipts and papers. A half eaten sandwich from 2 weeks ago. A pen that doesn’t have the cap on it and the ink is spilling. There’s so much going on, but I'm able to look good, so people don't know the real deal unless I'm talking about it. And I'm very vocal, I'm a work in progress, my sobriety is so important to me, because one wrong move and I could lose it all. It takes a lot for me to get to where I am to “have it together”
So you were balancing this all with your comedy career. When did you first realize you were funny?
Sydnee: Definitely at Rose Bar. My friend recorded me at the end of the night for several nights and I didn't know. She made a compilation video of me doing commentary and doing jokes, me just being funny in front of the people at work. The people who are there at like 4, 5 am, the bar was closed, but people would stay late just to hear me talk. So I ended up taking a class at the Pitt for $450 dollars, and immediately I wanted my money back because it was bad—I didn't think the teacher was funny. I was like, who told these people they were funny? I had a graduation show and I brought like 10 friends from the club world to watch me. They were like, this is the worst show I’ve ever seen in my life, but you were funny you could really do this. So then I was like, yeah? Let me keep going.
What was it like trying to get into the comedy scene?
Sydnee: I was doing open mics every night, like 3 or 4 whenever I could. People were like, oh you’re cool, they loved how I would tell my stories from waitressing, and Uber Pool, talking about getting sober, and being a gay all of a sudden. They loved it. I was thankful for all this material. I grew up watching Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle, Jamie Foxx. So I loved comedy, but I didn't know that I could necessarily do it.
Now do you feel like this is your purpose?
Sydnee: I do. I think that people enjoy me, and I have a different perspective. You see me now, you have no idea that I lived such a hard life. I think that’s interesting for anyone sitting in front of me for more than 30 minutes. I think that I'm like a designer bag with a lot of junk in it. On the outside, you're like, damn she got it together. But then you get into the bag, and I have someone else's credit card in there, and lots of receipts and papers. A half eaten sandwich from 2 weeks ago. A pen that doesn’t have the cap on it and the ink is spilling. There’s so much going on, but I'm able to look good, so people don't know the real deal unless I'm talking about it. And I'm very vocal, I'm a work in progress, my sobriety is so important to me, because one wrong move and I could lose it all. It takes a lot for me to get to where I am to “have it together”
It feels as though it’s becoming a lot more common for straight women in relationships with men, women who may even get married and have kids with a man, to then be in a lesbian relationships later in life. I was reading something recently about how obviously in the society we live, girls are just socialized to be heterosexual, so in many ways, the thought doesn’t always cross their minds earlier in life. Because you’re just like, oh I’m supposed to be with a man.
Sydnee: Some just know it coming out the womb, oh this is gonna be my sexuality, and others need to go through the motions, and live life to figure out what they want. And that's for anyone. That’s men, women, cat, child, lizard. You don’t know what you want until you actually put yourself out there. I could say, oh, I really like chicken and beef. But if I’ve never had oysters, how can I say I don’t love oysters if I’ve never had it? So I will say, living this nightlife lifestyle opened me up to be as free as possible. Or maybe it was the Molly. When I started dating women no one gave a shit. My friends were more concerned about what I was wearing than who I was fucking.
It’s obviously also seen as more common for women to be with other women. So, how did you meet your girlfriend?
Sydnee: We met on Instagram. She was on my friend Lacy Mosley’s podcast Scam Goddess, and I was watching her show Twenties on BET during the pandemic. And I was like, if I were to date again, she’s my type. It just so happened she was on my friend’s podcast and I wrote in the comments, ooh running to listen to the podcast. And she wrote me back in my DMs and was like, I think you’re really funny, I like your content. We talked on the phone and we hit it off. Like, we’re at the height of a pandemic, yes let’s have a love affair or love story.
What has dating during in the pandemic been like?
Sydnee: Having patience and being understanding. FaceTime is your friend. You just have to FaceTime get to know someone. We did more talking than if you were seeing someone everyday. We met in person about a month after. And I was like, omg, I really think she’s the one. And I hate saying this on the record because I don’t want to jinx it. But I also don’t want to not tell the truth of my emotions. I feel like this person is the one. The chemistry and energetically we mesh so well. We’re opposites but also very similar.
You also moved to LA for her?
Sydnee: Love is stupid. Love makes you do dumb things because I’m a NYC girl down. I really thought I was gonna stay and die here. Then you meet someone you love, and you’re like, actually I’m gonna move. But I'm a comedian, and I’m gonna get more into acting and writing, so I had to try it out. I don’t know if I hate LA until I move. It aint New York, obviously, but I got a balcony, you can’t really be that sad when you can just walk out and be outside and still be inside.
Your mom has had some difficulty with you dating women
Sydnee: She’s just very old school, very religious, she basically sleeps with the Bible under her pillow. I don’t know what my aunts or uncles would think if they were alive. I’m not mad at her for it, some people are just not as open. If you’re young and homophobic, you can change your life. If you’re old and homophobic, that’s who you are that’s how you were brought up and it’s harder to change your brain chemistry and become more open. She’s a Taurus, it’s her way or the highway.
When did you tell her?
Sydnee: Well, I moved in with my ex immediately when we were dating and that was like, over 7 years ago. And she knew then and she called me saying, what did I do to make you want to be like this? And I was like, ma’am this is not about you, but I can also tell you what you did. Do you have a couple of hours and days?
I’ve accepted it. When you’re over 30, your sexuality is yours. You’re not trying to impress anybody. So if you don’t like it, you don’t need to and I’m not forcing anyone to approve of my own lifestyle
You clearly have given her a lot of grace and compassion for her inability to be more open minded
Sydnee: I think a lot of the struggle of the culture right now is to get people to see this other side and for them to come on over. I’m not a lawyer, I’m not trying to state my case. I don’t need this jury of people who are supposed to accept me to get them to be on my side. That’s exhausting. Either you for it, or not. And if not, then god bless, I hope you have a good day.
What advice would you give to someone who might be in a similar position?
Sydnee: If you’re family-oriented, obviously it’s going to be harder because family is everything and you want them to accept who you are. But in reality, that might not happen. And you have to know that you will be fine. We’re in a place where you can make your own family, your chosen family, your friends are family, extended relatives are family. The people who are in your circle, who are here for you, and by you, that’s who you have to focus on. I hate this… you’re at a birthday party, and the person has people there and they’re just harping on the people that aren’t there, they’re mad that these people didn't show up. Babe, be in the moment, be happy there’s other people that are here for you. Life is really short and you just can’t be focused on the people who ain’t about what you are trying to do.
Essentially gratitude. Focusing on what you actually have.
Sydnee: It’s hard. I’m not gonna say it’s easy. It took time for me to get to where I am. But this goes for not just sexuality. Maybe the art you’re making or the job you have or your thought process. You don’t have to be around anybody that doesn’t understand you or want to understand you. You don’t have to subject yourself to that. I think it’s important to make sure you have people around you that are uplifting you that are like Taraji P. Henson in the audience rooting for you so that you’re not doubting the moves you’re making. Unless the moves you’re making are bad.