I’M 36 AND IT’S TIME TO LET GO OF THIS STORY ABOUT MYSELF
When I had my birthday astrology reading with Dani Beinstein over the weekend, the first thing she wanted to talk to me about was what she described as “once-in-a-lifetime shifts that not every soul goes through in their lifetime,” that have been affecting my natal chart. Pluto (the planet of death and rebirth) has been sitting right on top of my natal moon in Capricorn for some time now, which has been a catalyst for massive upheaval in my career the last few years. And Uranus (the planet of liberation and rebellion, which takes 84 years to circulate all 12 signs) has been crossing over my Taurus ascendant. I’ve definitely been feeling the pressure, and I know there’s more to come.
She told me to think about the stories about myself that I’ve been holding on to—and actually, I was already in the midst of writing about it for this newsletter. We all have stories about ourselves that we hold tight to, and these stories often limit our personal development. I know I have had a particularly damaging one.
What’s a story about yourself that you need to let go of?
At the start of 2022, I knew there was something different about this year. I felt hopeful about the prospect of falling in love—and for the first time ever, I’ve felt ready to actually admit that I want to find someone to continue building my life with. It has never really been easy for me to sit with the idea of needing anybody (I blame it on my Capricorn moon). I’m hyper-independent, and I’ve always been able to provide and make shit happen for myself. Now, as I’m wading deeper into the dating waters, I’ve been confronted with some of the worst parts of myself. The parts that I’ve pushed away and avoided, the parts that have kept me single all these years.
Throughout my teens and twenties, long-term committed relationships escaped me. I always felt like maybe I was missing an instruction manual, or I just hadn’t found that missing piece to the puzzle. I think most of us like to believe that dating and relationships are very black and white. If you follow this formula, if you love yourself enough, you’ll be rewarded with the *perfect* relationship. It helps us feel like we have some sort of control in a situation where we don’t have a ton of control, because we’re not the only player involved.
If only working on yourself and loving yourself were all it took!