2024 Was the Year I Surrendered
I had my final therapy session of the year last week, and when my therapist asked me to reflect on 2024, I started to break down in tears. I was sobbing as I told her I felt at peace with myself in a way that I wasn’t expecting or even knew was possible. I can’t pinpoint when it happened either. But it’s felt very noticeable in the last few months.
Perhaps one of the strangest things about our personal growth is that it’s not always visible to others—and it doesn’t need to be. Your growth is for you, not them.
In preparation for our session, my therapist also reflected on her notes from the past year and said to me, “I don’t want to say you’re a different person because, of course, you’re still you—but you’re more yourself.” As much as I try not to seek external validation for my growth, hearing those words from the one person who has been a consistent witness to it felt incredibly affirming.
I continue to learn that healing is a process with endless layers. There are layers to trust, understanding, and self-discovery. There are also layers to the conditioning, trauma, and self-limiting beliefs that we have to uncover and let go of.
I don’t know if I would’ve found this peace without the relationship I was in over the last year and our subsequent breakup in the spring. I learned I didn’t have to show up perfectly to be loved and desired, which helped me exercise my own freedom and agency. I let go of the fear and urgency that once ruled my attachment system. I found ways to show up for myself in the ways that I longed for someone else to.
And in choosing myself, I surrender to the belief and trust in my own destiny.
I’m grateful for this year. Despite its ups and downs (and there have been some significant downs), my heart remains open, and my optimism stays intact. Every day, I strive to show up as authentically as I can. But most importantly, I have no desire to control the things that I don’t actually have control over—especially my future. For someone who has historically been obsessed with being in control, this is a massive revelation. I refuse to waste time worrying or trying to predict what’s ahead on this journey.
I surrender.
Now, for some of my defining moments of 2024
1. Feeling seen is the greatest gift: I’ve always preached that you don’t need to *love* your therapist to do the work. The most important thing is knowing they’re qualified to handle the issues you want to work on and that their approach resonates with you. I say this because I think it’s too easy for people to make excuses in their search for the *perfect* therapist—much like any other relationship, there is no perfect match. However, my therapist has made me realize how important it is to feel seen by your therapist. This is my first experience of feeling like my therapist can really see me to my core, that despite my flaws, she can still recognize my innate goodness in the way that no one else does and reflect it to me. And I’ve realized that that’s the bar for how you want to feel in therapy—it’s life-changing.
2. My favorite read of the year: The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner. It’s an old book with somewhat outdated language, but the content is still impactful. It uncovers how anxiety impacts the health of a relationship and how we can get stuck in a dynamic with family, friends, or partners due to under or over-functioning in a relationship. I liked that the author shared clear examples of how distance, pain, and poor communication negatively impact relationships. It gave me a lot to think about in my own dynamic with my family, and it left me with practical tips to implement.
3. Doing things I’m “bad” at: As I get older, I find nothing more challenging or embarrassing than doing things I’m not good at. At 38, I know what I’m good at, and I usually stick to those things. But this fall, I started practicing yoga after a 15-year hiatus. Despite my worries about how challenging it would feel to do it again, I pushed through because of the mental benefits. Yet, one of my greatest fears was confirmed during a yoga class a few weeks ago when my instructor (whom I also worked with 15 years ago) pointed out how much I was struggling to the class. I immediately went into defense mode and “jokingly” said to my instructor to tell the class that I “used to be good.” It was one of those moments where I could recognize afterwards how I was putting my insecurities on center stage when in reality no one actually cares whether I’m “good” or “bad." I'm the youngest person in the class mind you, and I alway admire the older participants who show up every week even though they struggle through class just the same. I have to remind myself that I'm not in this to be the best but for the connection to myself and the growth that I'll experience along the way.
4. Breaking up with my ex-boyfriend earlier this year restored my trust in myself—and it was reinforced over the summer when my ex broke our three-month no contact after two months to say he wanted to see me, but I didn’t want to if nothing had changed. We were both very clear about breaking up because our futures weren’t aligned—and being with him for anything less felt pointless. My interactions with him reminded me how important it is to have boundaries and be able to stand firm in them. Each time we spoke, it stirred up confusion and was a cue to listen to myself.
5. I didn’t hold back from doing what I wanted to do: I think this is an essential aspect of creating a fulfilling life for yourself. As much as it’s great to do things with friends, we can’t always wait for them to get on board. Visiting Ibiza in the off-season had been on my list for a while, and I checked that box in October. I also explored new places like Costa Brava and Lisbon. When I got invited to a friend’s wedding in Portugual I knew I wanted to extend the trip because I had never been there before. While I originally intended to explore different cities, plans changed (as they can when you’re a solo traveler), and I spent all my time in Lisbon. I was blown away by how much I liked it, so much so that I extended my trip. There is something really exhilarating to me about being in a new place.
6. I worked on two collaborations that reflected subjects that matter dearly to me: vulnerability and astrology! In March, I launched the Vulnerability is a Superpower sweatshirt with The Mayfair Group which is now sold out. In June, I launched two limited-edition Venus necklaces with Monica Rich Kosann. While brand collaborations can sometimes feel like a lot of pressure, it was such a joy to work on projects that felt truly authentic to me and aligned with what I often share with my community.
7. I went back to school: Although it was only for three days, one of my highlights this year was taking Suzy Welch’s “Becoming You” class at NYU Stern School of Business. I’ve been so inspired by Suzy—her story and her mission—since I first met her over Zoom in August. As someone who feels deeply connected to their own purpose, I think it’s incredible to see a woman who has developed such a practical and impactful framework for helping others discover theirs. I loved watching my classmates have breakthroughs about their purpose, and Suzy’s teachings equipped me with the language to better articulate my own and the values that motivated me. Now, I’m starting to think about what other classes I could take in 2025.
8. I challenged myself by saying yes: I’ve done a lot of speaking engagements over the years, but sometimes I still get really nervous—and I hate it. There’s a line between nervous energy and being so anxious that it hinders or distracts my performance. I don’t like that second kind, and I experienced it twice this year when I spoke at the BOF Tech Summit (a professional highlight for me this year!) in March and moderating a panel at the Kate Spade Mental Health Summit in September. I don’t moderate as often and, therefore, find it more nerve-wracking. So, I decided I needed to do it more because it’s the only way to feel more comfortable. As soon as I acknowledged this in September, more moderating opportunities flooded in (thanks, universe!), and I said yes to everyone. Even one of my dear readers, a Columbia grad student, asked me to moderate a panel for their Women & Sustainability Uplift Summit. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my experience of navigating anxiety, the only way to work through my fears is to confront them head-on.
9. My look for my friend's wedding in October was my favorite look of the year.
10. Sometimes, we have to leave room to be surprised by our own lives. In Ibiza this October, I stayed at a charming boutique hotel where I was surprised to find myself as the only solo (and American) guest. I planned to unplug for the weekend, so I had extremely low expectations for any excitement. But that changed my second night when a guy randomly approached me while having dinner. I was the only person eating in the hotel restaurant, and meeting a handsome stranger was the furthest thing from my mind. We went out that evening and spent time together the next night, and I found that he had a lot of similar qualities that I admired in my ex. A few weeks later, we met again in New York City. While it was clear we had a lovely connection, we were also at very different points in our lives, and it wasn’t a connection worth genuinely pursuing. Meeting him was a nice reminder that there's still a lot of good people out there and you don't have to be on the apps to find them (I'm on a dating app hiatus for the forseeable future), but it was also empowering to realize that it wasn’t right—and that it didn’t need to be a reflection of me. Nevertheless, it was a fun and unexpected meet-cute.
This is my third year writing this newsletter, and my hope remains the same: that these little (or sometimes not-so-little) nuggets and stories about myself resonate with you or spark introspection. The challenges I've experienced in life are some of my greatest teachers and I refuse to feel shame about the experience of being human. Instead, I try to lean into the challenges, embracing the lessons they have to offer because they always seem to lead me to expansion. When we can make peace with the messier and more uncertain parts of life, we move closer to finding peace within ourselves—and I'm living proof of that.
Wishing you all an amazing holiday, and I can't wait to see where 2025 takes us.