MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAD A CLOSING CEREMONY FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP

Before I left London, I decided to end my relationship of nine months. 

It’s been about five weeks, and time has brought me a lot of clarity. In the moment I broke up with my boyfriend, it felt like it was for one reason (which I attributed to him), but now that I have distance from the relationship, I can see the cracks I was trying to overlook. As much as we deeply cared for each other and had a fun, easygoing, and passionate partnership, we were both unsure if our ideas for the future could merge harmoniously. 

Still, I feel lucky for many reasons. As much as I’ve lamented about dating apps, I hate to admit it, but it is still possible to meet a kind, genuine, spiritually awakened, emotionally intelligent, and, might I add, very sexy man on a dating app! 

Our relationship changed me. Who I am now in a relationship is not the same person I was when I met my boyfriend last summer, and that’s largely due to the safe container he created for me in addition to my own work. His presence felt like validation for all the hard inner work I’ve done because I was able to attract someone so good into my life. He wasn’t a test. He led me to a point I wasn’t sure I would ever reach— I found clarity about what I want from my divine life partner. 

I think we’re often made to feel that relationships are a “failure” if they don’t result in long-lasting love. That line of thinking has been a source of a lot of insecurity for me over the years around the nature of most of my past romances. It felt like it didn’t count if I couldn’t brand someone with the official title of “boyfriend.” It’s only in reflection, and even through writing past newsletters, that I’ve seen it from a different perspective. There are lessons that come from every relationship, whether we knew someone for a week or five years—and it allows us to look at ourselves in new ways. We are never confronted with ourselves more than when we’re in relationship with another person. 

Yet, I worried about whether I might jinx it by publicly announcing my relationship when I wrote my birthday newsletter. I was having doubts, but I wasn’t clear whether I was self-sabotaging something that finally felt safe or whether my doubts were legitimate. What would it mean if the relationship ended shortly thereafter? Would everyone judge me for the “failure”? Would I feel embarrassed?  

Now that I’m on the other side, I feel nothing but gratitude, and yes, there's still some grief. This relationship was so far from a failure. I had fun! I loved! I had some of the best sex of my life! No relationship, romantic or otherwise, is ever guaranteed— but I know we both grew as people because of our union.  

This relationship represented many firsts for me. It was my longest committed relationship, and it was also the first time I had been with someone who was spiritually awakened. So, it wasn’t surprising when my boyfriend suggested we have a “closing ceremony” to end our relationship and kick off the healing process.