12 Things I Learned at My First Wellness Retreat
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I consider myself a wellness girl, but my idea of wellness is typically focused on the mental and spiritual realms. I've never really subscribed to the sector of wellness trends we've seen flourish on social media in the last decade—fasting, juice cleanses, colonics, cryotherapy, infrared saunas, etc. So, when I got an invitation to visit Lanserhof last year, I wasn't entirely sure it was for me.
I didn't really know much about Lanserhof, but it seemed like the kind of place that would have a Goop-stamp of approval. After browsing their site, I understood that it's a world-renowned medical resort specializing in holistic and regenerative healing with a big focus on gut health. Lanserhof has been running for over three decades and they've enlisted the guidance of doctors across dermatology, gastroenterology, vascular medicine, neurology, and more to serve their clientele.
They have several locations in Europe, but I was invited to visit their newest one on a tiny island called Sylt in northern Germany that opened in May 2022. From the outside, it's futuristic, almost like a spaceship; on the inside the photos depicted spacious bedrooms with minimal decor. The main design attraction is their freestanding spiral staircase, which has been shared countless times on Instagram. Overall, it looked luxurious as hell.
After meeting with a doctor and getting blood work done, each Lanserhof guest receives a program tailored to their individual needs. It is a 7-day minimum stay to experience the program, and there's a full menu of services Lanserhof provides its guests, ranging from massages and facials to colonics and botox.
I had one stipulation, though: I was not interested in participating in a restrictive diet. I talked to an influencer who had been there a few times and spoke very highly of it—and I was somewhat relieved to see that while the meals were small, there was real food. There was rice, there was chicken—yet probably very little seasoning. I had little understanding of what a detox really entails as they all vary from situation to situation. But ultimately, I was interested in the program because I have a history of stomach issues. So their focus on gut health was very enticing, and I was genuinely curious how it could help me. But before I agreed to go, I asked the New York-based publicist to clear with the Lanserhof team that I would have access to snacks when I needed them—and they said it was fine.
I've always had a good relationship with food and my body, but since I was young, I've struggled with a laundry list of stomach problems. Yes, I was that kid always going to the nurse's office with a stomach ache. Sure, some of it was absolutely psychosomatic, especially as my anxiety kicked into high gear during middle school. I still clearly remember the period of time when I only ate toast or a baked potato because everything else made my stomach hurt. But my gastric issues have transformed and persisted to this day. Over the years, I've just gotten used to it and learned little tricks to navigate or minimize the discomfort.
I've had countless doctor visits and blood drawn, only to be told that my blood sugar was low and I have IBS-D, which can be aggravated by stress and anxiety. In 2019, I did a food sensitivity test (not to be confused with food allergy) that came back with a list of 48 things my stomach may have a hard time digesting, like apples, almonds, avocados, and asparagus. A lot of the foods were high in FODMAP (fermentable oligosaccharides, disaccharides, monosaccharides and polyols), which you should typically avoid if you suffer from IBS.
My biggest struggle of all, though, has been my fear of passing out from my blood sugar being too low. It happened to me twice as a kid, and as a result, I became fixated on always having snacks—and that has persisted into adulthood. If I'm going on a long journey, getting on a flight, or just somewhere I might not have immediate access to food (or I might not like the food options)— I stockpile snacks in my bag. I started to convince myself that I couldn't go longer than two or three hours without food or I could be at risk of my blood sugar dropping, which leads to me feeling shaky, my heart racing, and sometimes feeling disoriented or confused. In extreme cases, my vision goes blurry, and if I can't get it under control by then, I would pass out. It is truly a terrible feeling— so I grew to be hypervigilant about how my body feels.
It wasn't really until this year that I started to piece together how disruptive this has been in my life. For years, I actively avoided taking group workout classes for fear that I wouldn't be able to get through it without passing out. On the rare occasion where I did take a class, I would time my meals perfectly to the point where I would be satiated enough to sustain my energy level throughout an hour-long class— but also so I wouldn't get an upset stomach during class either. It's also impacted my social life. My friends who know this side of me have become accustomed to making sure I have a snack if we make late dinner plans. Sometimes it's resulted in fights with friends when I perceived them as being insensitive to my needs. And even the week before I went to Lanserhof, I got another wake-up call about how much this was actually impacting me when I went to meet friends for drinks and dancing on a Friday night. I realized in the Uber on my way there that I had forgotten to bring a snack. I was too far from home to turn around, and I suddenly felt panicked. London is not like NYC where you can just pop into a bodega around the corner to buy a snack. Even though I had had dinner before I went out, I was completely preoccupied with monitoring if I had enough energy to stay out, which ensured I couldn't actually enjoy my night.
And despite being in therapy for over two decades, it never totally occurred to me that this was all simply rooted in anxiety— and to bring it up with my therapist. We did talk briefly about me avoiding workout classes in 2018/2019, but we didn't really scratch the surface, and I probably moved onto things I felt were far more important. I suppose I never really saw it as an actual issue that needed to be addressed because I had pathologized that I was hypoglycemic. So, I assumed it was just the way I was. So between that and my fast metabolism, I was constantly trying to find the right balance in my diet where my energy levels felt sustained without crashing—and it felt impossible.
I know that food can be a sensitive subject, and medical spas are complicated places, so I didn't want to document too much about what I was or wasn't eating while there. And as healthy as I've viewed my relationship with food to be, there were obviously issues I needed to work through. I'm thankful that Lanserhof provided what felt like a safe environment for me to do that. So, while I wasn't interested in food restrictions, I did want to give the experience a chance in hopes that I would get some real answers to these ongoing issues. Did I have periods of time where I felt deprived? Yes, absolutely. It was both physically and mentally challenging. I even cheated a few times with snacks I brought in with me, and I may have made a trip to a nearby grocery store at one point. In the end, though, this experience was actually deeply transformative for me in a way that I was not totally anticipating. It altered how I viewed the best ways to fuel my body, and it forced me to confront the anxiety I had that was tied to food or lack thereof.
Below are my top takeaways from my time at Lanserhof:
I'm not hypoglycemic. Turns out, my life has been a lie. I went into my blood work testing telling everyone I suffered from low blood sugar. The initial doctor I met with and his nurse who went over my results never corrected me. So, I cheated on Day 2 and Day 3 of my 5-day stay (it was supposed to be 7, but a luggage mishap cut that short). It wasn't until my doctor's visit on Day 4 that I met with a different doctor and confessed to her that I had been cheating—and when she checked my chart, she broke the news that my blood sugar level came back normal. But the doctor said my blood pressure was low—and that could explain why sometimes I feel shaky (on top of anxiety)— and suggested that whenever those feelings come on, I drink lots of water or herbal tea and practice breathing exercises.
The withdrawals are real. I'm not a big caffeine drinker, but after 24 hours of minimal food (consisting of mainly veggies), no sugar, and no caffeine, my head was absolutely throbbing. I never really considered the side effects of cutting all these things out of my diet, but it was tough. Painkillers didn't help, either. I tried to drink as much water as possible to combat this. I also didn't realize how lethargic I would feel. Going into it, I imagined I would have time to get some writing done and do some creative brainstorming with all this alone time—but it was honestly hard to think straight. I spent most of my time relaxing in my room, reading, and sleeping.
They focus on mental health too. While I knew they would have therapists on deck, I didn't know it would be part of my schedule without directly requesting it. I met with a Lanserhof psychologist to discuss my daily stressors and anxiety. I was also given a stress test, consisting of two different breathing exercises, to see how well my parasympathetic nervous system was functioning, which controls our fight or flight response and affects our digestion.
There's no room for picky eating. I can be a bit of a picky eater (because of my aforementioned gut issues), but at Lanserhof, our meals were perfectly planned for us every day based on a rating you receive from the doctor. I was on the “active” diet since I was not there to lose weight. Every morning I had a choice of porridge (which normally I would never eat, but I made it through) or yogurt for breakfast, lunch would be a veggie soup and a second course of cooked veggies with a protein (either cheese or chicken/cod). Dinner would also be cooked vegetables with lean protein. It forced me to be open to whatever was placed in front of me, like pumpkin soup— even though I've never been fond of pumpkin. They certainly allow swaps, but there was only so much you could do—so I really just sucked it up and enjoyed whatever was on my plate.
Be present and eat slowly. This is a pillar for Lanserhof when it comes to meal time, along with chewing your food 30 times. A “digital detox” sign sits on all the tables inside the restaurant, encouraging guests to stay off their phones, although it wasn't strictly enforced. Typically, I would bring a book to read while I waited for my food or in between courses. I am also a fast eater, so it was a good challenge for me to really slow it down and practice being mindful during a meal.
My snacking isn't as helpful as I thought it was. The second biggest bombshell of my stay was that my constant snacking was actually working against me. The idea of only eating 3 meals a day has always seemed impossible to me. I truly thought I couldn't go longer than 2 or 3 hours without food. So, when I confessed to a different doctor on Day 4 that I had been cheating, she didn't scold me, but gave me a very stern talking to that I guess I really needed to hear. She explained that my carb-heavy diet was the culprit for my constant blood sugar drops and my relentless need to snack. She encouraged me to try my hardest to quit the snacks for the remainder of the stay, she helped me time out meals better (since the gap between lunch and dinner felt the hardest), and scheduled me to meet with a nutritionist before I left to devise a plan for the future. Her words penetrated me and gave me the willpower to stop snacking for the remainder of my stay.
Exercising was not a priority. Lanserhof has a beautiful gym, rock climbing wall, indoor/outdoor pool— but I honestly rarely saw anyone engaging in physical activities. I imagine they're all too weak from detoxing—I know I was.
I loved cryotherapy. One of the doctors suggested I try cryotherapy, which sounded fun in theory, but as soon as they handed me a hat, gloves, and a waiver to sign, I wanted to back out. The idea of spending three minutes inside a chamber set to -260 degrees Fahrenheit seemed unbearable to me. I warned the guy overseeing my session that I didn't think I would even be able to last one minute. And even though I felt myself start to mildly panic in the last chamber, I stayed focused on my breath—and I managed to stay for all three minutes. It felt exhilarating when I was finished.
They couldn't solve everything. Every day I had a schedule of appointments, whether it was with the doctors, or detox treatments. Probably one of my favorite parts was whenever I met with a doctor, they would end the session with a stomach massage. It felt so soothing. My favorite doctor would always make note that my stomach was filled with air. This has been yet another one of my issues for at least 10 years, whether I have food in my stomach or not, it is always filled with air, which causes a lot of pain, and has also resulted in me burping non-stop. The Lanserhof Sylt location is still a work in progress, so while they eventually will have more diagnostics to suss out deeper intestinal issues, the doctor suggested I continue to seek answers for what was going on.
My skin never looked better. I'll be the first to admit I don't drink enough water. During my stay, my only beverage options were water or a selection of herbal teas on tap which was a highlight for me. I don't think I've ever been so hydrated in my life—and it really showed the week after I got back; my skin was glowing in a way I have never seen before. I'm sure all the veggies didn't hurt, either.
I learned to safely test my limits. I didn't snack between meals my last two days at Lanserhof—something I never really thought I'd be able to do, and it felt like a major reset on my brain. I finally realized I didn't have to worry so much. I could make it between lunch and dinner and feel okay. Overall, I genuinely felt and continue to feel so much better since adjusting my diet based on their recommendations. Since March, I've tried to stick with a similar routine to what I had there, along with guidance from the nutritionist on a much larger portion scale—and it's helped me to stop feeling like I need to snack all the time. As a result my energy levels have felt way more stable. Of course, I still snack from time to time, but I also make better choices when it comes to the snacks that I do have. Most importantly, though, I have a lot less fear around my blood sugar, and the idea that I might pass out if I don't eat every two hours. Old habits die hard, though, so I will always make sure that I have a snack with me wherever I go. Similarly to having Xanax when I fly, it just makes me feel comforted to know that I have it should I need
Wellness continues to be reserved for only certain types of people. I wasn't surprised that I was the only Black guest during my stay at Lanserhof. On my first day, the woman who served me lunch was from Kenya and she told me I was the first Black guest she had seen at Sylt. While I never felt uncomfortable in the setting, it also wasn't lost on me that only certain people with a certain income can access this kind of health service. A week-long stay at any Lanserhof location can run someone into the tens of thousands of dollars. Historically, wellness has felt exclusive and reserved for only wealthy white people—and Lanserhof isn't any different. Not to say that everyone needs access to a luxurious med spa of course, but a lot of people who could benefit from nutrition guidance and holistic care can't afford to access it.
It is undeniable that our mental and gut health are inextricably linked—and sometimes, it can feel like a vicious cycle. On days when I'm preoccupied and worried about something, my stomach turns into knots and my IBS will flare up. On the flip side, if I'm suffering from gastric distress, that is going to cause me to feel stressed and anxious. Taking a step back now and seeing the full picture of how much my thought process and daily food routine were driven by anxiety has been really eye opening. And it's also been hard for me to reflect on all of this without feeling like, “I should've known better,” or “why didn't I see this sooner?” But as my therapist always used to tell me, we only know what we know. I'm thankful that now I have the understanding to create new habits to better support my gut health and, thus, my mental health.