EMDR, BUFO CEREMONIES, VIPASSANA: HOW MY FRIENDS STAY SANE
I’ve been thinking about Emma Grede, entrepreneur, co-founder of Good American, and founding partner of Skims, and her podcast episode with her husband, Jens Grede, co-founder of Skims and Frame Denim, all last week. They’re known as leaders in the fashion industry and brilliant businesspeople, but what really hooked me were the clips of them talking about their relationship. It couldn’t have been clearer that Jens is a wife guy, and I found it genuinely moving when he said that falling in love with Emma, while they were colleagues, felt like a “cosmic experience.” (Side note: I would kill to see both of their birth charts.) The way he talked about supporting his equally ambitious—if not more ambitious—wife was seriously endearing.
They also spent a good portion of the interview talking about Jens’s anxiety—how he copes with it and how he’s come to see it as his superpower. He started by sharing that a “highly spiritual person” once told him his anxiety makes him who he is—that he’s successful not despite it, but because of it. That not having anxiety would change who he is as a person. Those statements immediately gave me pause, and I’ve been thinking about them in relation to my own anxiety ever since.
Obviously, anxiety shows up differently for everyone, but I started struggling with debilitating anxiety around age 11. It became hard for me to go to school or spend time with friends. I dropped out of all the extracurriculars I loved because I suddenly felt anxious doing things that once felt completely normal. It controlled my life and made my world feel very small. So I completely understand how easy it is to start believing that anxiety is who we are, rather than something we live with and have to manage. Since then, my anxiety has continued to reinvent itself, and at times it still feels all-consuming—but I don’t believe it defines who I am.
It’s held me back, tested me, and drained the joy from so many experiences—yet it’s also been a catalyst for growth. I believe in my own strength and resilience because of what I’ve had to do to overcome my anxiety, time and time again. I’m proud of how I’ve learned to navigate life with it. My anxiety has helped shape me into who I am, but I truly believe I could have achieved everything I have without its presence—and maybe I would’ve had more fun along the way, too.
Yes, anxiety can be harnessed in positive ways—especially when we remember that its primary function is to alert us to perceived threats. It’s made me deeply attuned to what’s happening inside my body at any given moment. Most of all, I’m grateful that being open about my experience has allowed me to connect with others and help them in their own journeys—that’s perhaps the greatest reward of all. Anxiety has been “my thing” since I first wrote about it for Harper’s Bazaar in 2014, but I also trust that if it weren’t anxiety, there would be something else that connects me to others just as deeply.
Reflecting on my own experiences with anxiety also made me think about several recent conversations I’ve had with friends about how we’re coping in an increasingly stressful world. Over the years, I’ve shared a lot about my mental health journey and the different methods I’ve explored in pursuit of self-regulation and peace of mind—from therapy to tarot to Akashic Records readings. Last Friday marked World Mental Health Day (though we celebrate mental health awareness all year-round here!), so I wanted to tap some of my most mindful friends to share their practices and rituals for staying grounded. Nearly everyone I spoke to emphasized the same thing: stillness—and practices that keep you connected to your body—are the keys to staying centered. Some are even exploring newer forms of healing, including, in one case, smoking dried toad venom for a much-needed ego death.
From EMDR to Vipassana, these are the mental health practices my most mindful friends are using to stay sane right now.
Ebonee Davis, model/founder of Daughter org
Vipassana meditation. Silence and stillness allow us to cultivate a sensitivity to our authentic vibration, freeing us from the craving for external sensation and retraining the subconscious mind out of reacting in moments of discomfort. Instead of reacting, we learn to observe ourselves with equanimity. This is how we get to the root cause of our suffering and create lasting change. Meditation is the medicine many of us are searching for outside ourselves, when the ability to heal ourselves has been within us all along.
Courses are free and offered worldwide. Click here to explore.
Kerry Pieri, writer of Why Not? newsletter
I am well-versed in trying wellness rituals, but the two that are more active that have been very impactful for me are the breathwork popularized by David Elliott (two sharp inhales through the mouth, followed by an exhale through the mouth for 10-30 minutes), and my husband, who is in energy work, does drumming. Both of these can put me in a wild I've-left-this-dimension meditative state that I think people mainly associate with psychedelics. I've either been super relaxed and seen interesting colors or received messages (either from somewhere in my own psyche or spiritual guides, who knows!) about anything as simple as me returning to the long swims I loved as a child, to major life path epiphanies. My sister, who has a mental health degree as well as being a breathwork practitioner, sometimes holds virtual Sunday evening sessions.
Danielle Prescod, author of Token Black Girl and The Rules of Fortune, and writer of Highly Recommended newsletter
I have two things that I do that have completely changed my life: 1. I started riding horses again about 9 years ago. I took a super long break from horses for almost all of my twenties until I read the book, The Happiness Project. In it, some of the advice is: to be happy, do the things that you did at ten years old that made you happy. For me, that was riding. I have had a barn anywhere that I am regularly and it really does make a huge difference in my motivation and overall outlook in life. 2. I started a meditation practice about 4 years ago that I make sure I do every single day.
I went on a retreat to Canyon Ranch, and at their spiritual learning center, I had a session where I was complaining about how anxious I was, how stressed and tired and scared all the time, and the practitioner asked me about meditation. I told her that I don't do it because it simply never worked for me, and I never saw the point. She then asked me if I would ever leave the house or go to bed without brushing my teeth, and I said no. She said that meditation is like brushing your brain, so you need to do it often and regularly. That really stuck with me, and now, I cannot imagine my life without it.
Amrit Tietz, DJ and co-founder of Spread the Jelly
Reading is a non-negotiable for me (and not on a Kindle or phone screen!!). I have a few "holy trinity" books that I constantly return to when I need grounding, perspective, and direction.
Sarah Diouf, designer of Tongoro
I came across Size Zero - A Guide to Spiritual Management by Guram Gvasalia (yes, he wrote a book!) about a decade ago, and looking back, I think it sparked my spiritual awakening. The book invites us to get rid of all concepts and beliefs that often create limitations in our perception of life, interactions, and truth, taking us back to a state ‘zero’ to reconnect with our true self. Who and how are we without everything that has been projected onto us? I loved how simple and easy it was to read and apply. It reinforced many things I believe I already knew but couldn’t word at the time.
I have shared and loaned this book to so many of my friends as an invitation to reflect, and I pick it up every other year to remind myself of some of the principles.
On a more practical side, creating a morning routine with my own affirmations has truly been a game changer to ground myself and set the tone for how my days unfold. I know it often sounds far-fetched, but I have learned that our minds don’t know the difference between a wish and a fact, so the things we say and repeat over our lives have the power to rewire how we experience everything. As an entrepreneur, I often have to face different situations that I am not always ready for, and I genuinely think that positive reinforcement keeps me sane and balanced.
Meredith Stoecklein, designer of LEIN
I recently had a major breakthrough after partaking in a bufo ceremony (a ritual in which toad venom is smoked for its psychedelic effects). It was a spiritual journey that has changed me on what feels like a cellular level. We don't realize how significant our ego plays into our day to day, from a small scale to large scale. I find myself recognizing my ego and facing it, loving it, protecting it, and more than anything, harnessing it. It's something we can never let go of, I think it's human nature, but it's something we can learn to live and learn from. I plan on doing a few more ceremonies when I feel called to it.
Melanie Robinson, psychotherapist
I transitioned to working with a therapist who integrates EMDR, Brainspotting, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. I’ve found that with the introduction of EMDR and Brainspotting, I am more freed up to access my creativity, and my hunger for learning has expanded. I also feel a deeper sense of calm and a greater ability to handle life’s difficult moments. I also really love using the Walking Meditations app, which focuses on the senses by asking you to be aware of the sights, sounds, smells, and sensations around you as you walk.
Madison Utendahl, creative director and writer of BURNT newsletter
My favorite ritual is starting my day with one page of brain-dump journaling, followed by placing my hand on my heart, closing my eyes, and saying to myself: "I am worthy, I am ready, I am powerful, I am deserving. My name is Madison Utendahl, and great things happen to me. Life is working in my favor."
It's worth noting - this ritual is only possible because I keep my phone charged and on airplane mode in another room! I do not check my phone in the morning until I have completed my self-check-in. The core habit is phone discipline, ensuring I prioritize ME first.
Violetta Laze, spiritual coach
One of the most impactful rituals in my life has been devotional Sanskrit chanting to the Vedic Goddess (also known as Shaktism). It instantly lifts my vibration, drops me deep into my feminine energy, and clears my vessel, helping me stay grounded and tuned in, especially during stressful times. This meditative practice aligns me to be a clear intuitive channel for my clients, and it’s been a powerful anchor throughout my spiritual and wellness journey.
Maike Gabriele, Human Design Expert
Human Design has been the most transformative spiritual framework I’ve ever encountered. It helped me move from constant burnout and self-doubt into a place of deep trust with myself. I used to think alignment was about doing more; now I see it’s about attuning to my natural energy and making decisions from that place of inner authority. Also, Kundalini yoga has been something I always return to. Meditation alone feels too still for me (I get bored easily), but Kundalini gives me that extra element of rhythm and fantasy that makes me feel alive.
Tembe Denton-Hurst, editor and writer of Extracurricular newsletter
Sula moved me. It's about friendship that's soul deep, but also about the cost of existing inside of the social script and outside of it. It's also about lineage and how much of who we become is inherited and how much of our journeys we choose. It's an essential read, one I think should be revisited every five years, especially after a friend breaks your heart. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.