The Best Thing I’ve Done For My Mental Health All Year
It's been a month since I left New York to spend the summer in Europe, and it's hands down one of the best decisions I've made for myself and my mental health.
For those who are new around here, I've actually been toying with the idea of moving to London since 2019. When I left my job as Special Projects Director of Bazaar.com in February 2020, I flew to London three days later and spent about six weeks abroad before Covid started raging, and I had to come back to my little studio in NYC.
When my lease was up in April 2020, I ended up moving home with my parents because I was technically jobless and didn't want to drain my savings paying for an apartment. But I never expected to stay at my parent's house for 2 whole years. My line of thinking began as,
oh, I'll just do it until summer when things go back to normal. Then it became,
okay, maybe in the fall or early next year when less people are looking for an apartment.
But once Spring 2021 hit and the market drastically flipped, I kind of gave up on my search. Sure, there was a part of me that wanted my own place again. I spent way too much free time browsing furniture for an apartment I didn't have. But if I'm really honest with myself, I just didn't feel like I *needed* to be in NYC. There was also a part of me that got a little complacent. Things felt comfortable at home, my parents cooked for me all the time, my laundry was done, I could drive anywhere, and I was spending a lot less money. So why uproot my life again?
In many ways, living at home with my parents was truly a blessing that came just at the right time. There's no way I would've ever made the choice to spend so much time with them—but with my maternal grandmother’s passing in January of 2020, I know my mom was so relieved to have me closer to her. In 2021 we also found out that my mom had an unruptured brain aneurysm. It was a painfully anxious time for us all, but again, I was thankful to be right by her side through multiple procedures and during her healing.
Being an adult living with your parents is also extremely challenging. So, I completely empathize with any of you reading this who are at home with your families, whether it was a pandemic move or otherwise. Reliving our childhood sometimes means facing a lot of difficult dynamics that we could easily avoid from a distance. At my parents' home, I was constantly confronted with my own triggers—and my general distaste for authority. I learned how to really recognize and name what my triggers were. I hoped I could master them. I really wanted to believe that they were a test for my next level of enlightenment. As it turns out, the real enlightenment was realizing I just needed to remove myself—and that's okay too.
There's no prize for suffering, which is something I have to remind myself often.
And maybe it sounds a bit dramatic to say that I was suffering, but sometimes it was really hard. Two things can be true at once. I love my parents so much that I have constant anxiety about losing them. I know they feel the same. But our world is also colored by generational trauma. In just 3 months of starting trauma therapy it's helped me put words to some core beliefs and feelings I've had for a while—and has helped me better set boundaries both with my family and others in my life.
After my work trip to London at the end of December last year, I knew I wanted to spend the summer here. And then, my summer plans all came together very serendipitously as though the universe was conspiring for me to be here. I got invited on a work trip to St. Tropez, and then my friend's sister's apartment became available for the whole summer when it was supposed to be occupied. I don't think I would've actually been able to stay here so long if I didn't have a place where I felt I could properly root myself. While it's fun to travel and hop around to new destinations, I can quickly feel ungrounded which usually leads me to feeling homesick.
I'm not sure what the end game really looks like yet either. I don't know that I want to live here full-time but finding a way to live between New York and London would be my ideal. As of now, I'm just enjoying waking up each day in this new city and seeing how this summer unfolds. I love that being here forces me to make new connections and foster deeper relationships with the people I know here. I do have a few close friends in London, but it's nothing compared to the network I would have in New York or LA. I'm still figuring out what a daily routine really looks like for me here—but having my mornings uninterrupted by the constant pinging of e-mails is truly the best. I've also felt more inspired when it comes to my work. It's amazing the brain space you can free up when you're not overly concerned with managing the daily stressors of dealing with your family.
Escaping New York for the summer has also reminded me of something that I really value about myself—and it's the ability to go after what I want. I'm not always clear on what exactly it is that I want out of life. Don't ask me about a 5 or 10-year plan. But when I do land on a very specific idea—I will execute it. And most of all, I am very committed to creating a life for myself that prioritizes freedom, joy, creativity, connection, and new experiences above all.
Tips For Solo Traveling
I'm so used to traveling alone that I never really think much of it—but I always get asked for tips, so here's what I got for you.
First, it's only a big deal if you make it a big deal. You are your own best company!
If you're worried, start small with a solo weekend getaway if you don't feel ready to commit to a whole week-long trip.
Pick a destination wisely. If you feel like you're going to be overwhelmed traveling to a country where you don't speak the language, then stick to a location that still speaks your native tongue.
Order a tripod and bluetooth remote if you want to get good photos. Mine is retractable, so I can throw it in my tote bag and break it out whenever I find a cute spot for pics.
Pack some good books to help occupy your time and give you a break from your phone whether you're heading to the beach or to dine solo.
You don't always have to eat alone. If I'm going to eat by myself anywhere, even in NYC, I always like to eat at the bar because there will most likely be other people seated beside you. Or you can chat up the bartenders. If you're in a new place for the first time, ask the bartenders for recommendations from a local's perspective.
If you're someone who needs activities and a schedule, do some research into local cooking classes, group tours, museums to visit, etc. and make a game plan.
Most of all, enjoy the FREEDOM that traveling solo gives you. You don't have to play by anyone else's rules. If you want to sit by the water for hours just listening to the waves, you can do that. Or change plans for the day at the last minute without worrying about what anyone else wants to do. Enjoy yourself!
Should We Be Wearing Green On a First Date?
According to my dear friend Matchmaker Maria, yes!
Her green theory has been taking off on social media, and she'll soon be working on an official study with a university.
Maria first noticed that whenever she wore green, people would suddenly approach her just to talk. When her clients online dated, she started experimenting with green on their profiles, be it clothing or a background. She noticed that they'd get a high interaction rate per those photos. She now includes this as an essential lesson in her Agape Intensive coaching sessions.
According to color psychology, colors are a powerful force in our lives and hues can be a determinant of human behavior. Green creates a sense of calmness. It can help lift depression and reduce anxiety. Maria says one of the most popular messages she receives from women when they test out green, is that they feel a stronger sense of self-confidence. Naturally, people tend to be more attracted to people who feel confident. Blue and yellow can also work, but she said she sees a higher success rate for green.
I've definitely taken her advice and used a photo of me in a green top as my lead photo on my Hinge profile—and have been looking at green clothes more closely than usual. So if you're interested in testing this theory, whether on a first date or maybe for a summer wedding where you're hoping to find a new match, here are some fashion picks.
