Why I’m Opting Out of Fashion Week
This September, I finally made a decision I’ve been struggling to make over the last few years: I decided to step away from attending Fashion Week shows. It’s been a hard decision to make because, well, I love fashion, and I’ve been covering shows for well over a decade now. But when I was really honest with myself about feelings that kept coming up around this time of year, even before I left my editor job, it really boiled down to Fashion Week makes me feel bad in a way that I never feel any other time of the year.
It’s felt difficult to unpack this all and explain in a way that makes sense because I don’t think much of what goes on in this industry makes sense to people who are not in it. So, from the outside, I understand if this seems like privileged people’s problems, poor me having to go to a fashion show, but this has been part of my job for many years—and as I always love to remind everyone, two things can be true at once. It’s a privilege to attend Fashion Week, I love the moments I get to have with friends in the industry, and it can also be physically, mentally, and spiritually draining at times.
I loved attending New York Fashion Week in the beginning of my career. But as the novelty wore off and the reality set in, I was faced with a system that’s not exactly what it seemed from the outside (much like the industry itself). Around 2018 I even started having panic attacks during shows because it triggers my claustrophobia. Now, I exist in the industry without the backing of a big company and job title, which in some ways made my Fashion Week experience better in the last two years since I have more control over what I say yes to. However, in other ways, it’s had the opposite effect. And for someone like me who works for themselves, I have to be smart about how I choose to engage because it actually costs a lot of money to play this Fashion Week game—from hotels to cars and flights if you’re doing the international circuit, which I have for the last year. Yes, there are opportunities to make money as a creator (and I've been fortunate to get paid for Fashion Week gigs) but as so many brands are spending an exorbitant amount on shows and events, and they want their ROI, so they tend to go for big name creators and celebrities.
This was the first time I got photographed at a fashion show in September 2011 while I was working at InStyle.com
So why does this glamorous bi-annual spectacle have so much power to affect the way I, and many, others feel? Well, Fashion Week looks a lot different than it did 10 years ago, that’s for sure. With the rise of social media and the need for viral-worthy moments, it isn’t always about the clothes anymore. Fashion Week has become a battleground of silent competition for its participants who are tasked with sharing every bit of their experience in hopes of drumming up consumer interest or just envy from outsiders. But it can also trigger you in ways you didn’t think were possible after high school—if there’s a big party and you weren’t invited, you’re certainly going to know about it thanks to your Instagram feed.
It’s also difficult to get sized up and evaluated two times a year based on social cache, followings, engagement, and, let’s be real, appearances, which then determines what shows you get into, where you sit at said show, and generally how a brand will engage with you. Your status can also fluctuate season to season—one season you're welcome and the next season you're not. During the early days of the pandemic, there was much talk about how Fashion Week wasn’t sustainable, designers were burnt out, and then the conversation around the glaring lack of diversity and inclusion came in. Many insiders (and outsiders alike) called for the industry to make change and implement a more responsible and efficient alternative–but unsurprisingly, that never happened, and it was soon back to business as usual. Fashion Week is one of the many stages where we continue to see a disregard for social and environmental impact play out in the industry.
But there’s also the ego impact, and I’ve done my ego work over the years, but this industry preys upon everyone’s insecurities, even for the most centered of souls. It’s like being in high school all over again and having to compete in a popularity contest you didn’t sign up for. People often say, “You can’t take it personally,” but it very much IS personal when you work in an industry that is based on appearances, alliances, and numbers. Everyone is a brand, numbers matter, and when brand insiders are choosing talent based on who they perceive to be cool, who they want to party with or befriend and go on vacations with—that just adds a whole other layer to the dynamic.
I’m not alone in this sentiment, although most people would never openly admit it. Fashion people don’t really like when you say the uncomfortable stuff outloud—but there are always whispers from New York to Paris. When I first launched this newsletter I interviewed my friend, and influencer, Vanessa Hong about how she has questioned her relationship with the industry because of the stress of fashion month, and she has over half a million followers to her name. Yesterday, I asked my friend Isaac Hindin-Miller, who is a former writer and currently works as a creator/DJ, about his decision to intentionally step away from Fashion Week over the last few years. He said:
“I started off sneaking into fashion shows as a teenager because I was obsessed with access. Then I got myself a career as a writer so they’d have to invite me but I could barely pay my rent so I started DJing and doing paid collabs on Instagram.
The moment they started inviting me to the shows as a guy-on-the-scene everything changed. It went from me being in the room because I had a job to do (review/interview), to me being in the room to get photographed and be seen and show it off online and I always felt like such a phony cornball like who the fuck do I think I am?
I stopped going to the shows and events unless I’m working with a brand because if my only purpose for being there is to get photographed, I need a different purpose. Also, fashion week is high school and everybody is insecure. Egos are out of control and mine is no exception.”
He really hit the nail on the head for me— it’s about purpose. I think we’ve all been guilty of trying to get our egos stroked in this industry (and even if you don't work in fashion and you're reading this, perhaps, you can relate this to your own industry or another dynamic in your life). It stings when we can’t—especially when we feel we've given a lot or paid our dues. We all want to feel like we matter within this structure because, as humans, we inherently do matter—but our inherent value doesn’t go very far in this industry if the gatekeepers do not recognize it.
So what does it mean when we value ourselves, but the industry we work in doesn’t always reflect that back to us? It can cause us to question a lot of things about ourselves, our place in the world, and whether we’re “good enough.” Only we can truly decide that for ourselves. But I’m moving beyond the feeling that I deserve, or even need, to be there just because I’ve been doing it for so long and looking at it as though I’m only meant to be there when it’s my job to be there.
Fall Shopping Is Here!
On to another important matter of the day: fall shopping! It might feel a little challenging to think about fall clothes when we're currently having a heatwave in the northeast, but it's the most exciting season to me from a style perspective. I'm really looking forward to doing an extensive cleanout of my wardrobe, which I always like to do before a new season so I can assess what I'm really missing or what new pieces can enhance what I already have.
As my style has evolved over the years, I've developed a knack for finding classic pieces that have just the right twist to make them feel cool but still like something you're going to want to wear for a long time. So that's the approach I took to this fall shopping breakdown: the not-so-basic basics that you'll want to reach for over and over again.
*Note: some of these links are now outdated. For anything sold out I’ve tried to swap for a similar item if available.
Aligne Denim Trench ($345): I am really obsessed with trench coats lately. I just bought the most perfect vintage Burberry trench at Portobello Road Market (side note: found a similar one on Vestiaire, someone please snap it up!) just before departing London—but this denim trench?? This will make every look a stand out.
Sleeper Feather Jacket*: Fall jackets can feel overwhelming—you've got your blazers, your motojackets, your bombers, but sometimes I just want something that feels really different a la the Toteme Scarf coat (still a great outerwear option btw!). This Sleeper jacket with feathered sleeves could be the answer.
SLVRLAKE Two-Tone Jeans*: This summer I fell in love with a pair of two-tone denim from Rag & Bone, and now I'm eyeing this pair from one of my all-time favorite denim brands.
Wales Bonner Silk-Trimmed Wool Pant*: Wales Bonner is one of my favorite brands. The designer is English with Jamaican heritage, and there's always a subtle nod to Caribbean culture in her work. The silk waistband elevates these wool trousers to a new level. I imagine pairing them with strappy sandals and an unbuttoned button-down shirt à la Jenna Lyons.
Rowen Rose Tweed Blazer + Skirt ($2,050): This Rowen Rose set is definitely on the pricier side but it feels like it's straight out of Clueless, which is always going to win points in my book.
Cult Naked Perridot Bandeau + Pants ($450): There is no cooler going-out look than this Cult Naked set, and by now we should all know the versatility of a matching set. Style the pants with a cozy knit, or style the tube top over a fitted turtleneck to take it into the colder months.
Ganni Satin Bomber Jacket ($341): Ganni clothes don't always feel aligned with my style as much as I think it's a great brand—just one too many frills for me—but I was so surprised to find this very clean (recycled) satin bomber jacket. It will be a great option for dressing up denim.
Madewell Denim Maxi skirt ($98): I'm fully on board with the denim maxi—and I think this Madewell version is a great addition for anyone ready to test this trend.
Nanushka Jannet Convertible Dress ($495): This Nanushka dress does double duty, the ties can get you snatched around the waist, or you can tie it as a halter.
Mara Hoffman Kimiko Dress ($650): I love that Mara Hoffman carried this popcorn dress over from the spring/summer collection, I wore a floral version in Jamaica in April—it's so fun and really molds to your body making it flattering for everyone.
Hill House Lucienne Dress ($225): I feel very drawn to this Hill House dress, especially because it could easily double as a fabulous coat.
J.Crew Short-Sleeve Maxi Slip Dress ($228): Last week, I wore this J.Crew dress to a dinner to celebrate Nikki Ogunnaike as the new EIC of Marie Claire. I'm not usually one to dress in metallics, but this gold (although the site says khaki) shirt dress felt glamorous in the most relaxed way. For fall, I'm excited to style it with an oversized blazer and sleek boots.
Joseph Tie-Dye Midi Dress ($471): Ever since Proenza Schouler made those tie-dye velvet turtleneck dresses and tops back in 2019, I stopped seeing tie-dye as just a summer art project. For me, it feels as neutral as leopard print. This dress can carry you into the colder spring months.
Guest in Residence Color-Block Cashmere Sweater*: I really love Gigi Hadid's Guest in Residence line, not just because it's made by her, but the quality is pretty stunning. Styling this with a pleated mini or a great pair of straight-leg jeans to run errands feels like the move.
Alex Mill Taylor Cardigan ($175): If you ever wonder why everything this brand makes is so good it's because the founder is the son of former Gap and J.Crew CEO Mickey Drexler (he is now CEO of Alex Mill). They make such great knits at a really approachable price point. This cardigan feels like an effortless transitional piece that you can pack for your office (if you still go to that) or your weekend bag as you savor these last few weekends at the beach.
Loulou Studio Safa Sweater*: Yes, this Loulou Studio sweater looks quite basic, but I think this shade of brown is exceptional, and the boxy cut screams quiet luxury (if you're into that).
LVIR Tie-Knit Top: $275): This LVIR knit is as simple as they come, but I love the open-back tie detail. I'm adding that to my cart for date night.
SEA Nelle Pointelle Cardigan*: I really love tops like this that tie down the middle. It hits the mark between sweet and sexy.
The Row Everyday Shoulder Bag ($2,650): Something came over me when I saw this bag last week. I'm on a hunt for some new black bags, and this just feels like the one I'd want to wear every day, the price tag though—ouch! I'm going to try my luck with the retail sites.
Completed Works Nebula Earrings*: My earring collection is largely made up of hoops (Jennifer Fisher, Jenny Bird, By Chari being some of my favorites), but then I discovered Completed Works. Their jewelry pieces are a true work of art, and their earrings always make any outfit feel extra special.
Dehanche Hollyhock Belt ($250): I am a belt enthusiast. They really add a lot to denim looks, but I'm very very picky about them. They can either feel too basic or too busy. This Dehanche belt is simple, but the gold rings really make it look so luxe. I have it in silver and it's my go-to.
Little Liffner Tulip Tote ($625): I always gravitate towards contemporary handbag brands—there are so many good ones, and I like having accessories that aren't always instantly recognizable. Little Liffner is one of my favorites. The bags are elegant, well-made, and this tulip tote always grabs attention.
Brother Vellie's Rose Sandals ($595): Who wouldn't want flowers at their feet? I imagine these Brother Vellie's sandals will look just as good with jeans as they would with a cocktail dress.
Doen Odette Ballet Flat*: Everyone is diving head first into their ballet flat era. As a former ballerina myself, I'm not gonna lie, I don't know that I'm there yet, but these suede Doen flats with just a tiny bit of heel could get me there.
New Balance Made in USA 990v6 ($220): I am a New Balance stan, and I think they own the grandpa sneaker in a way that still feels really cool.