THE SUMMER I SLEPT WITH MY EX
“Is the universe fucking with me right now?”
That was my first thought when I found myself face-to-face with my ex-boyfriend for the first time in 15 months, right in the middle of bustling St. Pancras train station in late July.
I had just arrived back in London from a long weekend in Paris, where I spent time with my sister-in-law and some friends who also just happened to be in town. Originally, I was meant to return on Sunday, but at the last minute, I decided to extend my trip and stay an extra night, which was unusual for me because I famously hate Paris. A very unpopular opinion, but to be fair, I only ever go there for work. This time, I was going into the weekend with an open mind and open to having a different experience.
The morning I was leaving for Paris, I couldn’t help but wonder if I might bump into my ex. He lives outside London but is a regular on the Eurostar, so this would be the only place our paths would ever cross unintentionally. After getting through security, I found myself scanning the crowd for him, but how often do you actually run into someone when you think you might run into them? Of course, he was nowhere to be found.
While I was in Paris, I had dinner with a girlfriend one night who was recently out of a relationship, so naturally, we spent most of the dinner talking about our respective exes. She was still in her healing phase, and so much time had passed on my end that I felt really locked in on my future. In fact, I’m pretty sure I told her, “I’m not sleeping with another man until I’ve met my person.” Still, I missed my ex, especially in the summer, because the beginning of our relationship was filled with visits to botanical gardens, hikes, swimming in reservoirs, and his home-cooked meals with ingredients from his garden.
However, I held firmly to the belief: there is someone else out there for me.
Admittedly, he and I had been in touch a few times since our breakup in April 2024. Each time he expressed wanting to see me, he missed me, and he wanted to get back together. I had to have enough willpower for both of us. “We want different things,” I reminded him earlier this year — and he agreed, albeit reluctantly. So, I offered a small concession— when I returned in the summer, if it felt right, I would reach out so we could meet for a drink on neutral territory.
When I returned to London this summer, I really had no intention of following through on that offer. What’s the point? I have to stay focused on my future. I have to prove to the universe that I’m ready for my person. I’m not sleeping with anyone. I’m not getting caught up. I know what I want. I’m staying committed to that.
Which is why it felt almost like divine intervention that the universe put him directly in my path inside St. Pancras station that Monday evening. I had just gotten off the train and was heading to the Underground trains. My mind was focused on how early I could order takeout so I could get it as soon as I arrived home—the thought of running into him again had not crossed my mind. But when I looked up to make sure I was walking in the right direction, there he was walking towards me. I wish I could’ve seen the shock on my face, but I assume it matched his. But his shock transformed into a big grin—the kind I remembered from the day we first met. I could never forget that big smile.
Was the universe testing me—or placing my future directly in my path?
What I’m Eyeing for Fall 2025
It's September! New York Fashion Week kicks off this week, which always brings the back-to-school vibe. Although my attendance will be minimal, I'm still thinking about what to wear for the new season. As someone who has worked in the industry for years—and basically loved clothes my entire life—I think it feels harder than ever to get excited about the state of fashion, trends, and shopping right now. Prices are rising, quality is on the decline. I’m rarely an impulse shopper, so I need to really want it, sit with it, think about it, and long for it to throw down my credit card details. The thing I feel most drawn to right now is brown—after avoiding it for so long. I always thought, I am brown, so why would I wear brown? Maybe it’s a shift that comes with maturity, but now nothing feels chicer to me than a wardrobe of deep chocolate-y browns—which also happens to pair very well with hues of green and blue—some of my other favorite colors. Below, are a few pieces I’m eyeing to update my wardrobe for fall.
I skipped the suede jacket trend last year, but I’m ready to get on board. DISSH Hendrix jacket, $622, dissh.com
The perfect summer-to-fall dress if I do say so myself becuase I’ve already worn it. Proenza Schouler, $1,490, net-a-porter.com
I own these ME + EM jeans in ivory, and I just know I’m going to live in this brown version. ME + EM Extreme Seam jeans, $325, meandem.com.
Every bag from this brand is a standout in my collection. Liffner Belted Bucket Bag, $550, net-a-porter.com or liffner.com.
The bolero is back! The pistachio color is divine and will pair perfectly with brown. Aligne Angelina Bolero jacket, $210, aligne.co.
I never met a pleated skirt I didn’t like! J.Crew Prep Skirt, $268, jcrew.com.
Anytime I throw on a Realisation dress I know I’m going to feel and look good. Realisation Par Ellery dress, $290, realisationpar.com.
A cashmere cableknit cardigan is a must for adding texture to a look. Polo Ralph Lauren cardigan, $285, mytheresa.com.
The only way I’ll do a ballet flat is if they have a little heel—I also love this square toe. Margaux Ada flats, $325, margauxny.com