From Content Creator to Caregiver with Coco Cuenco
This year I've been really captivated by Justine (aka Coco) Cuenco's journey. Not just watching her transition from behind-the-scenes creative to full-time creator, but taking on the ultimate role as a caretaker for her mother. There are a lot of milestones and deeply personal hardships I've become accustomed to people sharing online; weddings, career changes, and the ups and downs of building a family. Sharing the reality of a parent becoming ill or disabled is definitely less common on my feed.
Coco's life took an unexpected turn in March when her mother suffered a hemorrhagic stroke. She and her husband suddenly found themselves re-designing their lives (and moving out of their beautiful new home) to care for Coco's mom. I watched this play out in real time on Instagram. Her content changed from sexy bikini pics, chic home-renovation content, and creative ads for Free People Movement and SKIMS to showing her new reality. She posted moments from the ICU visits to her mother graduating to a rehabilitation center, the wins at physical therapy sessions, and rating restaurants for their wheelchair accessibility—and leaned on her community for advice when she felt lost in the process.
I wanted to share her story because not only does this require immense patience, compassion, and resilience, but I think it's an aspect of life we don't talk about a lot, or maybe even think about unless we're living it. Below, Coco takes us through her rise in the world of social media, to the day of her mother's stroke, and how she's coped with becoming the head of her household since.
I've been looking forward to having this conversation with you because you're someone I've known in a work capacity for a long time, but following you on Instagram lately has been a whole different experience. I've seen a different side of you. You're not just the girl I know who used to create content for Revolve.
Coco: Yeah. It's an interesting pivot, and I'm still trying to figure out what that looks like for me, but it is very scary to feel so vulnerable and the content to be so completely different.
What were you like as a child?
Coco: I was an only child with a single mother, and my mom was co-parenting with my grandmother, we call her Lola. I was a weird kid, I think. I was alone a lot, in my thoughts a lot, online, talking to strangers.
Let's talk about your career history because you have an impressive resume. I don't know your life before Revolve, though, so let's get into that.
Coco: I think Sex in the City really influenced my college decisions. I wanted to be in PR like Samantha. I didn't understand what that meant, but it felt like she was always at parties and events, and she was running things. She's the gatekeeper of the list. She was sexy and powerful. So, I'm like, "Okay, I'm going to do PR." I studied communication with an emphasis in PR at Cal State Fullerton.
When I got out of college, I was shooting and modeling for this brick-and-mortar store in Orange County. I was shooting all their new arrivals. They showed me the ropes, they took me to buy with them. They showed me how they did everything. And I'm like, "I could do this, but I'm going to make an online store." I started an online store because that's when Shopify started blowing up. And then the store blacklisted me.
Whoops. They were like, "She came in to learn all the secrets.”
Coco: They were pissed. They wouldn't let me buy from certain places. "Sorry, we can't sell to you because so-and-so's a client." I had that online store for about three or four years. It was called Gypsum. I sold downtown LA affordable pieces, with a few of my favorite brands in there that I could afford.
Where were you getting the money to do this?
Coco: I did bottle service and worked poker games all through college. I learned how to hustle. I don't know if it was detrimental for me because I do love learning. But in school, I thought, "How do I best spend my time? Is it making money or studying and getting really good grades so that I can build my toolbox for the future?" And I chose to make money.
It worked out for you.
Coco: My mom also invested in my business to start up. I started this in her garage. So, I was doing everything. I was buying, shooting, and writing product descriptions, the newsletter, and graphics. I also learned a lot about influencer marketing. This is when influencers were accepting gifting for free, and they would tag you or link directly from their blogs. I knew their power really early on.
Then, an influencer friend invited me to go with her to a Revolve party and introduced me to Michael Mente and Raissa Gerona. When I met Michael, he said, "I know who you are. You run your own online store. Do you do that by yourself?" And I just felt like, "Oh my God. What should I say? Is this an interview? I love Revolve." I said, "Yeah, I have a small team, but I run the business myself.” And we're talking, and he's like, "Yeah, I just followed you on Instagram the other day." We just kept in touch.
And did they approach you like, "Do you want to come work for us?"
Coco: I decided to close my business. I was liquidating my inventory, turning it into a blog. And I said, "Well, I don't know what I want to do, but I know I need to learn more. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Let me reach out and ask him if he's hiring. He must like what I'm doing if he follows me." I shot my shot. And he said, "We're going on our first trip, I will message you when I come back." It was their first Revolve Around the World in Croatia.
Then, I had a very casual lunch with Raissa. They took a chance on me to see where I landed based on my interests. They were still growing the brand marketing team. And they didn't know what I was capable of. I remember her asking me, "What do you want to do?" I said, "I can shoot. I can edit. I can do all these things." And she said, "But what do you want to do?" I said, "Well, I like social media." I think she really saw me in an influencer role because I had relationships with influencers from Gypsum, and that was a department they really wanted to expand. My first title was brand ambassador. Then they changed it to influencer associate, then brand manager, and then I became lead content producer.
So, then you went on to work with Shay Mitchell doing content?
Coco: I worked for her for a year. I learned so much working with her. I was able to understand the content creation side of the business with a mega influencer. She's constantly growing and evolving, and she really inspired me. I was like, "Can I do this on my own?"
I was approached by an agent for the first time, and she really opened my eyes up to, "Yeah, you can do this. You can do this on your own."
The fact that you even doubted that is kind of insane to me.
Coco: I didn't feel comfortable taking that leap until I felt confident I could generate a stable income as a creator. So, as I was building that, I accepted an opportunity as Aritzia's social media director, which is a huge big girl position from where I was with Revolve. It was scary, I experienced imposter syndrome for the first time.
I was talking about this with my therapist, and I'm like, "Where is this coming from?" I didn't give a shit about what people thought. I think this comes with age or the more that you know and working with highly-educated people in corporate settings. They have master's degrees or higher, and you're just sitting there, and they're asking you questions you don't know the answers to. All these acronyms. I'm Googling it and I'm like, "This doesn't exist. Is there a company dictionary you guys can give me?" So I was there for nine months. I really tried my best to be a corporate girlie. It wasn't in me.
As a social media director there, I learned I wasn't able to be a part of the creative execution at all. That wasn't my role. I wasn't allowed to make any sort of creative decisions, and I knew long-term that wouldn't work for me.
That's what happens at a lot of these corporate jobs. They lure you with this idea that you're going to be able to create. But it's a lot of numbers, spreadsheets, and red tape. Coco: At this point, I was making a similar amount from content creation to what I was making at Aritzia. I was essentially working two full-time jobs. I was exhausted. I would work double time, I'd shoot four to five brands on the weekends, my husband was shooting me, and we were both editing it. It was such a huge strain on our relationship, we're getting into fights. He's a freelance filmmaker, so his schedule looks so different than mine. I'm in meetings from 8:00 am to 8:00 PM, then I'm ideating at night about what content I'm going to do on the weekend. I was really running myself in the ground, and I wasn't enjoying it. He's Swedish. Scandinavian culture is slower, and living life is really important. I'm like, "What's that? I'm just hustling here.”
Were you fighting about scheduling time to make content, editing, ideas, all of it?
Coco: This is symbolic, but it was like, "I just want you to walk the dog with me." And I said, "I don't have time to walk the dog with you.” And he's like, "I just want to spend some quality time with you." And I'm just such an idiot. I didn't see that that was a love language for him.
We're working on our relationship a lot. We do have an abnormally close relationship where we work together, and we both work from home. We don't have time apart, really. So, we thought we should start working on this, especially if we want to expand our family. We should have a strong foundation before we start raising another human being. Therapy's been so helpful. Even before everything happened with my mom.
So, let's talk about what happened to your mom earlier this year.
Coco: As I mentioned, I was raised by my mom and my grandma. I'm very, very close to them. But I started going to therapy last year, and the objective was to mend the negative feelings from childhood with my mom. I had a hard relationship with her. She was a tiger mom. She was really tough on me. I think in our culture, being reprimanded by being hit is normal, but that really affected me. I had a lot of trauma from that.
It was really hard for me to express love verbally to her. But we were close in the sense where we knew we only had each other, so we'd hang out a lot. But hugging or saying, "I love you," talking deeply, that was something I wanted to work on. It felt like there was something wrong with me. The therapy gave me some perspective. She was doing her best. You don't understand that until you grow up. When she had a stroke, it healed and mended any sort of trauma or broken relationship. I've never felt like I've loved her more. I have no problem expressing that. Taking care of her on a daily basis is an honor.
Where were you the day you found out that she had the stroke?
Coco: I was preparing for a shoot, and her friend called me, and she said, "Your mom is unconscious." She is a dragon boat paddler and was out in the ocean with her teammates. My mom is very athletic and into extreme sports. I've gotten calls like this before like, "Your mom got into a bike crash. Your mom was hit by a car on her road bike." She always came out on the other side just laughing about it. I never thought of her life, her mortality.
We get to the emergency room, and she's totally incoherent. She's awake, but she's just looking at me as if she's not there, which really, really scared me. She wasn't speaking at the time. The doctors came in and showed me the scan. When they told me there was a massive hemorrhage in her brain, I was just like, "How? What head injury happened?" They told me she had a stroke. I was just like, "Wow, she's so healthy. She's 62 years old. How did this happen? She doesn't have any health issues. She doesn't have high blood pressure. She doesn't have anything. So, how is this happening?"
It was really hard for me to wrap my head around it. I just kept getting bad news after bad news. They were like, "It happened on the left hemisphere. That's where her speech is." I'm like, "What do you mean? What does that mean?" "Well, she will have a hard time speaking for a really long time." And I'm just like, "What?" I still couldn't wrap my head around it. I'm like, "What do you mean? This is my mom. You can't bring her down at all. She survives everything." So, I was very much in denial.
Were you like, "No, you're wrong. She's going to come out of it"?
Coco: Yeah. "There's something wrong. You're wrong. She's going to wake up, and she's going to speak to me," you know? I think I've always just had hope that she will get better, and I think that's bringing me through this because she's so persistent and motivated as a human being. I don't ask dumb questions like, "What is the outcome of similar cases you've seen?" I don't ask things like that. I don't ask “how long until” questions because I know that doesn't matter. As long as we continue to work on it every day and just pray and keep working towards recovery, whatever that looks like, that's what we will do.
This whole maternal instinct kicked into me where I was so protective of her. I came every single day to make sure she was getting everything she needed as far as health, mouth care, making sure they were keeping her clean. She can't speak for herself, so I felt a duty to advocate for her. It became exhausting because you let go of yourself and everything in my life at that point.
Of course. And I'm sure that's how most mothers feel. You're putting all your attention into someone else, and you're like, “Whatever's going on with me doesn't matter because this is the most important thing.” So, when she finally got released from the hospital, what state was she in?
Coco: She came home in a wheelchair. I was searching for a really good inpatient rehab. I felt so lost navigating this. I don't know anything about this stuff. I really leaned on my social community to help me. A lot of Filipinos who follow me are in the medical field, and everyone has helped me so much. I really want to let them know that I love them because I'm completely lost without them. She was approved for three weeks of inpatient rehab, which I don't think is enough. It just made me think about this country and the lack of the right medical support. My mom has a great job with great medical and retirement benefits — I'm grateful for that. She made a lot of gains in rehab as far as I see them as huge gains, but I think if someone's like, "Oh, well, did she start walking again?" We have to remove all normal expectations and celebrate all the small wins.
She went into inpatient therapy, which is where you stay when you're stable, you don't need a nurse 24/7, she could eat solid foods, and feed herself. She was saying some words, but with her stroke, she suffers from aphasia and apraxia. She may not mean what she says. Yes is no, and no is yes, which is so difficult and confusing. She was not able to walk, but she always had the biggest smile on her face. I've only seen her get emotional once since this happened. She's so strong. She was starting to do things for herself, like brush her teeth, brush her hair, and pick out her clothes. Then we were having conversations about my husband and I moving into her house. We had just renovated our house.
Your beautiful house. What was that like, making that decision with your husband?
Coco: So sad. My husband has been amazing through this. I was like, "I need to go back and take care of my mom, so I'm going to move in." I was like, "You can tell me how you want to feel about that or not." He was like, "We'll get this house rented out. I will handle it." I'm not going to force someone. This is a lot for him, too. I've always said, "This isn't what you anticipated your life to be. We just got married. We should be building the foundations of our relationship, and we've been put in a parental role but without having the joy of children.” It's paired with grief, you know? It affects our relationship in so many ways. We've had to put our lives and dreams on the back burner.
Yeah. But you really learn a lot about your relationship. He's really been there for you and your mom every step of the way.
Coco: Their relationship is beautiful. He would brush and floss her teeth and put her hair in a ponytail. I just saw so many sides of Marcus that I'd never really seen before. I don't think I could do this with anybody else.
Did your mom know what was going on in regards to you moving into her house?
Coco: Yeah, we were having conversations maybe a week before she came home. I don't want her to feel like things are being done without her. She communicated and drew pictures on a whiteboard, essentially saying, "You guys can have my room, and I will move into the guest room." Everyone's like, "Why didn't she move in with you?" We didn't want to further disrupt her life. We wanted her to heal in a familiar place. Her home. So, we made the decision to move in with her.
Right, and feel like she's in her space.
Coco: In her space and everything's okay. She's going to recover here and get back to her life. But if I uproot her, what happens to her mindset? We had conversations about her finances, it takes hours to get these answers, but we're figuring out ways to communicate. She's still very much herself in the ways of thinking. She just lost the language to communicate. It's like her brain has disconnected with her body, and now it's having to relearn everything.
What did the expenses look like around all of this?
Coco: Handling her finances and medical bills was overwhelming. I'm so grateful that my job allows me to have this much financial freedom and time to dedicate to her. This really forced me to figure out how to manage our family finances since I was now inheriting two dependents. All of a sudden, I'm a mom, and mom has assets, and I have to understand how to manage those things. Handling a power of attorney is complicated. It's crazy what you have to go through in order to handle somebody's finances and affairs when someone is unable to do that for themself.
She's given me a list of personal items that she wants to part with, which is sad because these are very beloved things that she is willing to give up: her bike, scuba diving gear, things like that. I'm grateful she has really great insurance, and it makes me think about my own health and retirement.
Yeah. And imagine if she didn't have insurance, what would that look like?
Coco: Or what if she didn't have me? What happens to people who don't have someone who is willing to step up and take care of them?
I'm sure there's a lot of kids who actually would not want to do what you're doing.
Coco: I'm not going to judge them. I don't know their relationship. My mom is a single parent, and I'm all she has.
Was there also ever an idea of like, "Oh, we'll just put her in a nursing home"?
Coco: No, absolutely not. It's not our culture to do that, and I have way too much respect for her to have a stranger take care of her. She's still my mom, and she's 62. She looks fucking young and healthy and thriving. I wanted to do right by her because she was just waiting to retire and enjoy the rest of her life, and it felt like I needed to continue to work towards that life she worked really hard for. She made a lot of sacrifices for me.
How are you balancing taking care of your mom and your work? As you said, you're lucky because you work for yourself so it makes it a little bit easier. But you have to schedule your days differently now, right?
Coco: I'm going through a lot of growing pains as far as the luxury of time. Waking up and not having a plan, I definitely can't do that. I've created a structured schedule. My mom likes structure for herself, so she wants to know what she's doing for the next few weeks. I have that planned out.
For the first two weeks, I was taking care of her on my own, without a caregiver. I didn't even know what a caregiver was, what did that entail? How much is it? Where do you find one? But she has a really good group of friends, and they all came together like her siblings, and they were there to support me. One of them said, "Let me find someone who knows someone." And I just wanted them to be female and Filipino to feel more comfortable here. My mom is speaking Tagalog, which is crazy. She rarely spoke Tagalog. I think you revert back to your first language after a stroke.
I felt like my entire life was going to disappear while taking care of my mother, and I didn't realize that until the caregiver was here. She's unable to use the bathroom without assistance. I couldn't leave the house. I felt very anchored here. It felt really hopeless for a while.
Wow, I can totally understand how you feel that way. It's a massive change from the way that you were living your life before. So, there's also this process of grieving your old life.
Coco: Yeah, and also grieving my mom. There's so many things that I usually reach out to her for. I can't ask her anymore. I am now the head of the household. I have to make decisions, and that's very scary. What I decide on affects everyone in the family. It's a huge role reversal here now. Also, seeing my mom and Lola interact, which is therapy in itself. Their relationship has really opened up in front of me, and I'm like, "Oh my God, this is crazy to see." I'm really understanding them on such a deeper level. Because you don't talk to your kids about all your childhood traumas. I didn't really understand until I saw it.
Seeing it play out is different, and you have your own relationship with Lola.
Coco: She's sweet, but they have their own history, and it makes me really sad when they sometimes can't put it behind them. Humanizing your parents is eye-opening. That's where you find the compassion for them on a much deeper level. I really understand all the sacrifices you've given because I'm seeing your life play out, your childhood play out right in front of me, your dynamic with your mom.
Right. And now you, too, know what it means to sacrifice for family.
Coco: Yeah. It's so natural for me. There's nothing I wouldn't do for them.
And I think it was natural for your mom, too, when she was doing it. How are you trying to make time to care for yourself?
Coco: So, we found amazing caregivers. They come four times a week for eight hours a day, and I try to be productive during those times. I've found that I have to be in a completely different room. Marcus and I work from home, his office is in the backyard, and mine is in my room. I'm still struggling with the balance because I want to make sure she's getting everything she needs, but I also need to trust that the caregiver and her will build a relationship to where they could communicate that.
A lot of what I'm going through, from what I've heard, feels like being a new mother and learning how to let go of some things, you know? A lot of guilt happens when I leave for work, and I feel bad because I'm not there and I want her to know I love her, but I'm realizing I don't need to be there all the time. She knows that I love her.
Of course. She would want you to still be doing the things that you need to do.
Coco: Yeah. But I am really struggling with my day-to-day content because that's my job. It's been difficult to pivot. I've never been this vulnerable with my audience. So far, they seem to be really supportive. At the moment, I'm not so interested in promoting random products. I care about emotional and mental well-being. That's where my content will start to change. I've recently looked at my schedule, and I'm like, "Okay, what makes me feel like me?" I need to work out at least three times a week. So it's booked into the calendar. I just have to make sure Marcus can take care of my mom while I'm at cycling at 7:00 PM. So, we take shifts like parents, and so this has really preparing me for parenthood.
Listen, the content has to shift and grow with you as you are shifting and growing as a person. I think I've seen at least two sponsored posts you've done that incorporate the reality of this experience that you're having. I think it's been really amazing. I'm sure that it's also touched a lot of people because it's like whether people can relate and if they can't, it's like, shit, that could be me one day.
Coco: Yeah, just shedding a light on the reality of it all. Your life can change like that. So, I think what's really helped me have a different perspective is, "How am I spending my time?" I was in a career-building phase of my life, and I wasn't making time to connect with my mom as often. I feel a lot of guilt around that, and I'm like, "I need to spend time with family. That's all that matters at the end of the day." And experience life because that's how she lived her life. And I'm so glad that she did.
Well, damn, I give you a lot of props. I know that what you're going through is really challenging. You're a good daughter.
Coco: We're probably adapting better than I thought. Marcus and I are great partners in that way. We move as a strong unit in everything we do.
Coco’s Reading List
I Will Teach You to Be Rich: No Guilt. No Excuses. Just a 6-Week Program That Works
Managing my entire family's finances comes with so much pressure. This book helped me understand the basics of finances they SHOULD (but don't) teach you in school.
My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey
A fascinating and comforting point of view from a stroke survivor that brought me so much hope during dark times.
Hope After Stroke for Caregivers and Survivors: The Holistic Guide To Getting Your Life Back
I read this immediately after my mom's stroke. It is a complete guide on navigating the medical system, the healing process, and so much more.
Fast Fwd: The Fully Recovered Mindset
A very inspiring survivor's story and guide to recovery. I've grown a personal friendship with Maddy, the author, and she has been so helpful with my mom's journey.