LET’S TALK ABOUT MAKING FRIENDS AS ADULTS, THE “NICE” GUY, AND CAREER “FAILURE”

I don't have a strict routine for setting intentions at the start of a new month, but I always have a few ideas floating around regarding things I want to work on or be mindful of. So for April, I am setting an intention around being less rigid in my life and less concerned with doing things the “right” way or playing it “safe,” while continuing to show up and express myself to the fullest.

Today, I'm answering questions from Instagram. There's definitely a common theme amongst the questions I get on a routine basis. A lot of people are worried about timelines and time limits when it comes to achieving goals or starting something new. I think people can also be really rigid around these types of timelines that seem to only serve one purpose: to make us miserable. Know that your energy is best spent focusing on what you want to do, how you want to do it, and how you wish to show up in the world—not how fast you can get to a finish line by a certain age.

Can a highly sensitive person train themselves to be mentally agile or best to accept it?

Being a highly sensitive person is a gift, please remind yourself of that. This is who you are, and not all people possess the ability to feel things at the level we are able to feel. However, I do understand that it can also feel burdensome. That's where things like therapy and meditation really come in handy. I did not have a very good command over my emotions in my twenties, and I often let them rule me (once in a while they still get the best of me!). Having rituals to help process feelings and find peace of mind definitely gave me more room to appreciate my emotional awareness.

Can you still make new friends at 27?

You can make friends at any age. I've met people in my thirties that I consider to be close friends. Sure, they may not know me like people I met in college or high school–but it takes time! Making friends as an adult just requires intention. It's a bit like dating where you have to pursue someone, ask them out for coffee or a walk. I would say the majority of my new friendships get their start in the DMs. It's so easy to use social media to get a feel for a potential friend, their interests, their sense of humor, and figure out if they have a vibe that you want to get to know better. If I have a good rapport with someone in my DMs, I'll ask them to meet up. Be on the lookout IRL as well when you're at events or doing group activities. Stay open!

I feel like a failure for not achieving career goals at 29. I do like my job but I always wanted to work in magazines and be a writer.

You're absolutely not a failure. You walked a different path and found yourself in a different job—it happens to the best of us. My path was far from linear. And we can easily cause ourselves a lot of stress by wishing things were different than they are at this moment. So you have two options: 1) you can find acceptance for where you are, or 2) You can do something to change what you're unhappy about. Twenty-nine is still very young, and there is no age limit for switching careers. You just have to be prepared to do the work. I don't think I could honestly, in good faith, recommend that you try working in magazines right now unless you have financial stability/support and you're willing to start from the bottom. I think your next course of action would be to spend some time thinking about what you want to do, and how you can find ways to satisfy your desire to write? You could start a newsletter, a blog, or a social media account dedicated to your passions which could lead you to new opportunities.

Been seeing more about “romanticizing your life.” Are there any hobbies you enjoy?

I think I've always romanticized my life, that's the Pisces in me. I spend a lot of time in my own world and feeling like I'm in my own movie. I think that's a big reason why music feels so essential to my life because I love curating the soundtrack of my days. I think romanticizing life is about being intentional about how you move through your days, how you savor your time, how you honor yourself, and make yourself feel good on a daily basis.

I don’t love my job, but it pays. Should I pivot to something else I might like better?

I don't believe that everyone in life is meant to love their job, nor do I believe that everyone must make their passion their job. Doing the thing you love still sucks sometimes, I say that from experience! There are days where I don't want to work, or I dread checking things off my to-do list. It is totally okay to do a job that you're just okay with when it pays well and (hopefully) it gives you freedom and time to do things that you truly love or things that feel fulfilling to you.

Do you feel guilty when you buy nice things? I feel bad knowing there is so much injustice.

I don't feel guilty for a second. I deserve nice things, and I work hard for the things I want. Depriving myself of what I want also won't fix all the injustice in this world, especially when there's much bigger enemies to injustice like corporate greed. But I do make sure to prioritize giving back to my community.

How to deal with feeling basic/uninteresting without forcing yourself into random hobbies?

Do you actually feel basic/uninteresting, or is this just what you worry people may think about you because perhaps you have different interests than those around you? Do you do things that you genuinely like or find interesting/fulfilling? I think people who have interests and passions, even if it's something I'm not personally interested in, are interesting people.

Happy and in love with my dream guy, but our life goals don’t align. What should I do? How big is too big of a sacrifice to make for love? (Think: moving overseas)

Well, I'm dying for someone to ask me to move overseas, but that's just me. But I think you might find yourself in a very difficult situation if your life goals are not aligned with someone who you imagine you want to spend your life with. Love doesn't always conquer all, sadly. So if you truly feel that there is no compromise in your situation, and you are set on what you see for yourself—I assure you you will find someone who is on the same page as you.

Early 20s and hate every trend, and wear boring, classics as a default. People say I look old.

Well, do you actually have a problem with how you dress? Or is it just the people around you? You're not exactly asking for tips, so if you like the way you dress then fuck what other people say. It's so easy to get caught up in wasting money chasing fashion trends and trying to keep up. If you are genuinely looking for ways to spice up your style, I'd recommend starting a Pinterest board. Save photos of celebrity outfits or fashion editorials that you like and identify the pieces that are resonating with you. Maybe you discover there are certain outfit formulas you like and can replicate, like: jeans + crop top + blazer OR button down shirt + jeans + sneakers.

How do you handle waiting for a job offer?

Let it go. No amount of worrying and stress will get you your desired outcome. I firmly believe that what is meant to be mine will always be mine. Most of my job is waiting to hear about whether an opportunity will materialize or not, and I just don't get attached because I know that if something doesn't work out there will be another one that will be right.

Entering month 6 of unemployment. How to not lose hope while trying to get a job.

I'm sure that you must feel really frustrated. I know that feeling pretty well because I graduated in 2008 right as the recession hit. I went from being super confident about my ability to land a great first job (I had spent the last 2 summers interning at Harper's Bazaar) to questioning whether I was ever going to be able to make my dreams happen at all. It took me almost 2 years before I got to where I wanted to be, and even then it was still a bit of an uphill battle. But I just had to believe that things would work out because it's the only way to move forward. Also, I tried to use my downtime as constructively as possible, trying to stay in touch with contacts I had made, reading up on industry news, and attending networking events.

My boss told me I need to answer her slacks immediately. How do I respond? Boundaries?

That's quite a request. Does this include outside of office hours? Does she expect you to be on your phone/computer 24/7? I don't know what your job title is or what you do. I would probably ask my boss to define what “immediately” means to her. What happens if you missed a message for 30 minutes because you were doing other work? If this continues to cause you stress after speaking with her, I would probably go straight to HR.

How do you find motivation in your current job when you’re looking for a new job?

This is a hard one. I definitely suffered from a lack of motivation for at least a year before I left my corporate job. First, cut yourself some slack, it's okay if you don't feel motivated. Even though my lack of motivation came from feeling underpaid/undervalued—I still found joy in parts of my job and I focused on the things I really enjoyed. It's okay to not want to go above and beyond and just fulfill your most crucial responsibilities.

Do you believe love is a feeling or a choice?

I think it's both! I'm all about feelings and they're important to me. However, crazy in love feelings don't last forever. So, from there, it's about making a choice every single day to be with that person and to prioritize the relationship.