9 Things That Defined My 2023
It's been almost two years since I started writing this newsletter, and my last two end-of-year reflections felt instantly clear to me. In 2021, as I was getting back into dating after a two-year hiatus, my path toward healing was obvious: I had done enough work on my own and needed to heal in relationship with others. In 2022, my decision to spend five months living in London (my first time living anywhere other than New York) was hugely transformative for me. It was the ultimate exercise of my freedom since I started working for myself in 2020—and I really value the freedom I have to create my life as I see fit.
This December, I'm not so clear that there's one significant takeaway or lesson to sum up my year. I think I was more focused on being instead of doing. And it's okay to have a year that didn't feel like the best year of your life or, on the flip side, a year that didn't break you and/or alter your life's trajectory. Even if you don't hit any major milestones, it's still worth celebrating; it's still worth reflecting on how you got from January 1st to today. So, to reflect and maybe help inspire your own reflections, I rounded up some of my standout moments of the year.
In January, I posted an Instagram story about how great it felt to start the new year not feeling stressed out by a man—and urged anyone feeling stressed out by someone who was not their boyfriend (or girlfriend) to leave that situation immediately! For context: The year prior, I was two months into dating a guy who was exhibiting emotionally unavailable vibes that I was not willing to accept. In fact, I let him stress me out all the way up until March before he ultimately ended things a few days after my birthday. This year, I think I went on more dates than I probably ever have, and I got better at walking away from men who weren't showing up with intention.
I felt really resistant to the idea of returning to therapy this year. As much as I preach the benefits of therapy, and I do believe that it's wonderful, for the first time, I really felt like I didn't know what it could offer me. I'm a little too smart at this point for traditional therapy. I know a lot. I've intellectualized all of my issues. So, I took a break to live my life instead of over-analyzing everything after a bad experience with a new therapist in 2022. In September, I finally decided it was time to get back in the game and try IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy again with someone who also specializes in attachment. It's been a really affirming experience, and I find myself looking forward to each session.
In October, I got quite the wake-up call about staying on top of my health when I got my first mammogram and breast ultrasound, and the doctor found multiple nodules in both of my breasts. I actually had a breast ultrasound at 22 after my gynecologist found a lump—and was told I had cystic breasts, which isn't uncommon. But on rare occasions, these particular cysts can turn cancerous with time. So, it was recommended that I get a yearly check-up with a specialist—but did twenty-something Chrissy follow up on such an order? No, she did not. Honestly, I had completely forgotten about it until my mammogram. So, after desperately trying to track down my 14-year-old ultrasound scans to no avail, I was ordered to get a breast biopsy. As if that wasn't scary enough for a hypochondriac like myself—the week I was aiming to schedule my biopsy, my radiologist's office suddenly got cyber-attacked (I wish I were joking; Mercury wasn't even retrograde!). The office closed down for two weeks, and I was stuck in limbo. I pushed back my London trip. It was an agonizing month of contemplating my own mortality, but I got a clean bill of health by early November.
I spent a lot of time in Italy this year. In spite of the racist incidents I experienced in 2019, I do really love Rome—the food is just so good. I explored new destinations, though, like Sicily (yes, I went to Taormina, where White Lotus was filmed), Puglia (I did a two-day marathon tour of Monopoli, Polignano a Mare, and Ostuni), and Venice (hopping off a flight and taking a water taxi to your hotel is maybe the chicest experience ever). I gave Ibiza a break this year and spent some time in Marbella and Malaga (home of Pablo Picasso) in southern Spain. I don't have any travel lined up for 2024 just yet, but Greece and Portugal are at the top of my list, and trust I will find my way back to Ibiza—I can't stay away that long.
The Reformation Alden dress had me in a chokehold for more than half the year. I have it in black and green and I will probably get more. I also got the top version. Whether I have a meeting, date, or I'm going out with friends, it's been the easiest thing to throw on. The high neck makes it feel polished even though it's a body-hugging mini. I like to style it with socks and loafers for daytime or leather knee-high boots for night.
Another year of ordering more books than I actually read, but I leaned into audiobooks (I'm an Audible girlie) and I re-discovered my love for podcasts. Since I like to read a few books at the same time, when I know I want to get through a book quickly start to finish, I go for the audio version. Some of my favorites from 2023: Start with Why by Simon Kinek where he explains that people don't buy into what you do but why you do it. If you're a leader, a creative, or in the marketing business, it's a must-listen/read! How Not to Die Alone by Logan Ury, who is a dating coach and advisor at Hinge, is a really practical guide on adjusting dating techniques and how to avoid repeating harmful patterns over and over. I also listened to Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. She is a legend—and this book about how to maintain desire and intimacy in a longterm committed partnership should be a must-read for couples and singles alike. I could listen to her talk about relationships anytime.
On the astrological front: the biggest news in my chart was that I finished up my 18-month nodal return in November. This is a time that is usually marked by profound life shifts. I won't lie, I was quite nervous going into it. I knew I would be served some major lessons around relationships and, most importantly, my relationship with myself since the eclipses were in Taurus/Scorpio, my first and seventh houses. But I was ready and willing to heed all the messages. It also really inspired me to dig deeper into my astrology studies. I'm feeling more and more confident about reading natal charts and interpreting transits. I'm considering getting an astrology mentor next year to take things to the next level.
I found myself thinking a lot about what happens while we're in that period of seeking the real partnership we desire. Do we have to forgo fun altogether? I oscillate between being a traditionalist and a free spirit (shout out to my Pisces Venus x Sagittarius Mars) when it comes to romantic relationships. In an attempt to “fix” my anxious attachment tendencies, I can be quite rigid about my dating expectations—which does serve a purpose at times. But this summer, I matched with a guy on a dating app that I normally wouldn't have swiped on, and he inspired me to drop my rule book (but not my boundaries!). As a result? I had the most incredible summer romance that seriously altered my brain chemistry. I'll dedicate a chapter to him in my future book.
Creatively, I've felt pretty stagnant and just uninspired these last few months, even though I was fortunate enough to work on a lot of great projects in 2023. I recorded season 2 of my podcast with Maybelline, I worked with J.Crew! And even wrote something for their 40th anniversary book! I partnered with the Enviornmental Defense Fund again to raise awareness around toxic chemicals in beauty items marketed to Black and Brown women. I helped my London friend Eshita Kabra-Davies launch her peer-to-peer clothing rental app ByRotation in New York (my clothes are available to rent in both cities). It's just nearly impossible to escape the constant pressure to be pumping out content, to outdo yourself, to create more, and create on every platform. It can often feel like you're chasing your tail or just throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something sticks. I don't know what it's going to take for me to feel excited again—but for now I'm looking at this as a restorative period for myself, and that's okay.
As always, I am so appreciative to all of you who have been here throughout the year(s), and I welcome those who have recently joined. I'm in planning mode for 2024, so send me a message if you gave an idea for a topic/guest you'd like to see in a future newsletter. I read all my responses even if I never get the chance to reply, please know I love all your heartfelt feedback. I'm grateful to have this space where I can be honest and vulnerable with you all and I can't wait to share more insights from what I'm learning with my new therapist to navigating all the ups and downs life has to offer. Happy Holidays, and see you in the New Year!