11 MOMENTS THAT DEFINED MY 2025
Is it just me, or did this year feel… really hard?
Every year since I’ve written this newsletter, I've been able to neatly encapsulate the year into a buzzword or phrase. Not this year.
Not only were we in a collective 9-year—which, in numerology, represents a year of completion, reckoning, and endings—but I was also moving through my personal nine-year. I had a numerology reading with Janine Slome last year, and one thing she said that has stuck with me was that the universe “will not support any new acquisitions” during this time.
So yes, I had a warning. But knowing what’s coming doesn’t necessarily make it easier to move through.
In reality, maybe it hasn’t been as bad as it could be, but I just didn’t feel as expansive as I have in the last few years. I felt more isolated and lonelier than I have in recent memory—there was a lot of overthinking and doubts. I’ve just been hard on myself.
But I can juggle two different outlooks on my year—if I’m giving in to my worst impulses, this year has felt like I was being punished for something without being told what I’ve done wrong. If I look at it through the lens of my higher self, then I’d say I was given more time, space, and quiet to sit with what feels aligned for me—everything from my work to friendships to where I’m living to what the next phase of life looks like.
Reflection has become my most sacred spiritual practice—whether I’m reflecting on good moments or bad ones. Reflecting on my experiences, challenges, and wins helps me understand and integrate the lessons I learn. It gives me clarity on where I want to go and how I want to move forward. So, here are some of my most standout moments from the flop that was 2025.
1. FWD JOY launched as a podcast. I love the guests I bring on here, and I wanted to make sure that these conversations had a proper place to live—so it’s been really exciting to make that happen. I brought on an incredible podcast producer because I couldn’t keep editing my interviews in the Voice Memos app as I used to! I also brought on a creative producer to help me continue building FWD JOY because I have been doing everything on my own for so long, and it was taking a toll on me. I love to think that I can do everything myself (thanks to my Capricorn moon), but I can’t if I really want to accomplish all the things I want to do. Catch up on any episodes here.
2. Reconnecting with my ex was a choice! I would never say I regret this decision. I’m just confused as to why it happened. Sure, I never completely ruled out the possibility that under the right circumstances, we could reconcile—but I had really tried to keep that door closed. But when we had this serendipitous run-in in July, I felt like I had to explore it and see if it was real. Yes, he was able to say some of the things I needed to hear, but with time, it was easy to see that things hadn’t changed as much as I think both of us would’ve liked to believe. As I wrote in September, there is also something really special about the way he and I trigger each other, as karmic relationships tend to do, where it just helps me see myself differently. I think if I were in a different mindset (and hadn’t done all the work I’ve done on myself), I could’ve easily settled for that relationship. He’s a great guy—he’s just not my person—and that’s okay. I want him to be happy, too.
3. Brainspotting has changed how I will do therapy going forward. I love talk therapy and having someone to validate my innermost thoughts—but there are limitations to it—especially if you have trauma or you’re someone who tends to intellectualize your feelings like me. In September, I started working with an interim therapist who specializes in Internal Family Systems therapy and Brainspotting, and also knows astrology. Brainspotting is basically a lite version of EMDR. The therapist guides you in finding an eye position, or “brain spots,” that correspond to an emotion or physical sensation. It’s called a brain spot because that eye position is said to connect to where that experience is stored in your brain. Brainspotting can help access and release feelings associated with painful or stressful memories. You don’t talk a lot, it’s quite meditative, and you just share what comes up for you when you’re locked in on a brain spot. It’s so subtle, though, that the first time I tried it, I didn’t really know what to expect, so I was skeptical that it would work. Until I found a brain spot that was connected to a core wound. I was really in awe of the experience and how much our bodies really hold on to things that keep us stuck in our shit. So, I’m excited to keep working on this more somatic-based approach.
4. I struggled with so much self-doubt, and I blame the Saturn in Pisces transit. Everyone knows Saturn from the dreaded Saturn Return, but I’ve grown to appreciate the gifts it can offer as well. Saturn is the planet of responsibility and structure. It takes us to task, and it will reward us if we’re willing to put in the work. I think I expected this transit to be easy because I have a Capricorn moon (Saturn rules Capricorn), so I’m very familiar with Saturnian energy. But something about this transit and the conjunctions it made to my sun stirred up a lot of self-doubt—especially when it came to my work. And maybe it felt like a struggle because I wasn’t actually stepping up to the plate the way I needed— and I let it beat me down. Now that we’re out of the Saturn retrograde and we only have a few more months, I’m trying to shift my perspective so I can create the structure I really need to close out this transit on a high note.
5. Another revelation from my Saturn in Pisces transit was that I started to feel the dissolution of community around me. I spend half the year living in London, but when I’m in New York, I live in the suburbs, an hour away from the majority of my network. I really never considered the trade-off I was making when I decided to start living in London, because it has also brought a lot to my life. I love the freedom I have to travel and explore, especially as someone who basically spent the first 25 years of my life stuck in the tri-state area. Of course, this doesn’t really affect my most intimate friendships, but sometimes it’s hard not to feel like everyone forgets about me, regardless of where I am. I’m not really sure what the fix is here, or if it needs fixing, but Saturn transiting my 11th house is forcing me to re-assess and explore what friendship and community mean to me.
6. I met four men in real life that I was attracted to—and ya know what? Even though none of these meetcutes resulted in a relationship, it still felt like a win! I met a guy at Milan design week, at a dinner party in NYC, and at pubs in London. It’s a nice reminder that it’s still possible, but it definitely requires effort, being out and about, putting yourself in new situations.
7. My best reads this year: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. As someone who has spent a lot of time exploring my complicated understanding of self-esteem and self-worth, I loved the clarity this book brought to what it means to believe in yourself and your capabilities, as well as to live purposefully. I seriously think this book should be taught in schools. You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz is also an excellent book for anyone who feels a romantic relationship will save them, fix their problems, or make them happy. This book by the creator of Internal Family Systems therapy explains that whatever we are searching for in another person is actually what we need to give ourselves. Read my full list of books I read this year.
8. Travel continued to be a big part of my year. London still feels like my second home, but I also put in some considerable time in Spain in August and October. I often get stuck between wanting to spend time in places I love and wanting to explore somewhere new. I went to Jamaica with my dad—we hadn’t been down there at the same time since before the pandemic. My final trip of the year was a quick trip to San Diego (my first time!) for a friend’s 40th. Something that has become very clear to me over the last few years is that having so much freedom can also make it hard to make decisions. When you can go anywhere or work from anywhere, how do you actually choose? Or when do you really choose to settle down in one place?
9. My favorite purchase: I really didn't buy that much this year. I try to make a point to buy a few pieces that I know will feel special in my wardrobe—the only problem is I'm bored with most of what's out there, and it's all insanely expensive. I bought a pair of Dries van Noten pants in the spring, and I just bought a gorgeous Givenchy coat (on sale) that I know I will keep for a very long time, so I'm pretty happy with those purchases.
10. My favorite look this year
11. All year, I have felt like I am waiting for the next phase of my life to begin. Maybe that’s partially because I’m in the last year of my thirties and I’m anticipating some next rite of passage into the next tier of womanhood. That “next phase” feels so close yet still very far away, and I don’t know exactly how to step into it—so I’ve just been waiting. But will waiting actually get me there? Or do I actually have to do something different, or take a leap of faith in some direction, for it to start? Who knows, hopefully, all will be revealed in 2026.
I’ve talked to many people who’ve said 2025 has been one of their best years, and I’ve heard from just as many who feel that it’s been a really challenging year. No matter which camp you’re in, I truly believe that every month, every week, every day is an opportunity to do something differently or to begin again. One bad year—or even a few bad years—isn’t a life sentence. Sometimes all it takes is one day, one conversation, one person, and everything can shift. The work, for all of us, in the meantime, is learning how to sit in our own shit or stand on top of the mountain and trust that, no matter what comes next, we have the capacity to navigate it. That brings me back to why I started this newsletter in the first place and my own interpretation of what Forward Joy means (besides it being my father’s birth name). There is always joy ahead, no matter where you are in life right now. I promise you, there will always be joy ahead of you.
So no matter what kind of year you have had, I really hope you are moving into 2026 with courage.